Breaking Barriers in the Military, on the Track, and in Life

[00:00:00] Riley: What the Marines taught us is how to be the best version of yourself in a chaotic environment.

[00:00:05] Kate: Woo.

[00:00:06] Riley: I love the word fortitude. It's I recognize the fear is there. I'm embracing it, and I'm going to keep going anyways. I'm resilient. I pray that he learns from it and can go on and meet somebody great and be the best daggone husband that he possibly can be to someone else.

[00:00:25] I have been blown away by the men and women that I've met. Truly the top 1% of the 1% of the United States, men and women, belong to the United States Marine Corps. There must be something wrong with him. How is he this perfect? What did I do, God, to deserve a man like this after I'm divorced? And you have to put yourself back out there. I am scared of crashing my bobsled 90 miles an hour.

[00:00:51] Kate: What are you telling yourself? It's deeper than even a mentality. There has to be something in the body. I would love to hear your experience in that.

[00:01:00] Hey, there. Welcome back to Rawish with Kate Eckman. I'm here today with a US Marine, and immediately mind goes to, okay, my guest is a guy. But it's so fun and thrilling for me to talk to a female Marine and how she even got the desire to take this very grueling, disciplined, hardcore path. So right off the bat, we know we're going to get a lot of inspiration today.

[00:01:24] And that's not it. She is also the bobsled pilot for Team USA. So this incredible athlete as well. She's also a children's book author, which I love. But mostly, she's just a really cool girl that I think you should all know, and she just keeps my spirit going when I need a little lift. So that's what I'm hoping to offer to you today. So Riley Tejcek, thank you so much for being here today.

[00:01:49] Riley: Oh, thank you for the crown introduction. I'm so excited to speak to you. Today's going to be really fun.

[00:01:55] Kate: It's so fun. And the trailer of my show, the first thing I say is, what's something you don't normally talk about? And I love that you brought up a very personal issue, and we dove right in. And I didn't even intend to start there because it's-- what do most people start with? It's, where we're experts, why they should listen to us.

[00:02:13] Well, I'm a Marine, I'm a could-be Olympian in a few months. I'm the first female ever Marine to be an Olympian by the way. You're competing to be that. You've done all of these things. But I think sometimes what's most interesting about us and most inspiring are the trials and tribulations we go through.

[00:02:31] And as you know, when you do a podcast circuit, you promote a book. It's all about our titles and our success. And a lot of people don't want to really go there with a failed marriage or a mistake that cost them millions, or maybe somebody they loved passed away, or they had a near-death experience. But you just do right in and spoke very candidly about something that you've gone through.

[00:02:52] So can you share what's something you don't normally talk about in the hopes that everyone listening will start talking about things they don't normally talk about?

[00:03:00] Riley: Yeah. And I think right off the bat, why we don't talk about certain things, we don't want to be associated with things that make us feel anything but good. We're humans that look for comfort, and there's comfort in things that are positive and make us smile. And we want to shy away, especially in the limelight, those dark skeletons in the closet.

[00:03:21] We don't want to talk about that one time, that bad time, that big mistake, that a on across our forehead that we know, but do other people see? And I think the more I've realized in conversation, sometimes you have to start there to even make yourself feel like you're relatable. Not very many people can relate to being a Marine, a bobsled, and author.

[00:03:42] In fact, I don't know if there's another one other than me. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe someone's opened the pipeline. But if you're listening to this, you're like, "How could I possibly relate to someone like this?" What we can all relate to is failure, disappointment, and falling short in some mark. Oof. Everyone can relate to that.

[00:04:02] And as you're listening to this, something's going through your mind, and it's that skeleton. It's that something you don't want to talk about. And for me, I don't love being headlined, Riley Tejcek, divorced. That's not something that I want to scream and I'm excited to share with people. It's not in my Instagram bio. And it's not something that I oftentimes are asked about because I think people shy away from it because it is uncomfortable.

[00:04:27] They don't know what response is going to come out of me. They don't want to "expose" me when we want to focus on the good things. But what I will say is it's the failures that set us up for the success. I've heard it. Everyone's jealous of the product, the final result, but not the process that it took to get there. People would trade places with that, but they wouldn't go through what it took you to get there.

[00:04:50] So being really vulnerable and something that I don't always talk about, and I've tried more and more, is the fact that I'm 28 years old and I've been divorced. And that is really tough. And a lot of times I'm like, "That would never happen to me. I'm a strong Christian. I love the Lord. I married a man that I loved with my whole heart." I did the checks. I did the balances. I was calculated. I gave everything to this. How could something that I love so much fail?

[00:05:22] And what does that mean for me? Does that mean I'm a failure? Does that mean I'm not enough? Does that mean I was the one who got it wrong? And I think it just allows the conversation to open up more and more. So without going too much into the nitty gritty details, but enough to, again, be relatable, I was about 22, 23 years old, and I got married to another individual.

[00:05:47] And him and I were in relation. We were married for three, four years, and he was unfaithful through the marriage. And that was something that was really hard to deal with because, as a female, and maybe this is not just a female thing-- I can only speak to females as myself-- you look inward, and you blame yourself for someone else's mistake. You look inward and you beat yourself up over it.

[00:06:11] You look inward and you start tearing yourself down. So I'm going to get really real in depth with what happened when I found out. I found out my spouse had been unfaithful, and initially my instinct was to protect him. I felt like a very motherly like role. Again, no children, but that's the thing we want to do as a woman. And I did because I love him, and I care for him.

[00:06:32] But then I started blaming myself, like, I'm not pretty enough. Why I wasn't there enough. I didn't do enough. I wasn't a good enough wife. And I really felt like this concept of I am not enough just plastered through my brain. And all of a sudden, I started saying things out loud, and I started believing it. And this is a really big power that we have of humans, of when you vocalize things, it can be really positive, "Hey, these are my goals, these are my dreams I put into existence."

[00:07:00] But also, I'm saying these really mean things, and now I'm starting to believe them. And a big thing for me was, I'm not enough. I'm not pretty enough. So honestly-- and I hate even sharing with this, but I feel like I have to-- I went in straight away. I got a hair appointment. I got my first spray tan. I got my nails done. I did all this stuff because I was so broken on the inside that I felt like, one, I could mask it with my appearance on the outside.

[00:07:25] And two, if I made a change, if I did something different, then I would feel beautiful. And how could it possibly have been my fault? Wow. Something, as women, I think a lot of us deal with. We try to take whatever control back that was taken away from us, and we try to use it in a way that we think makes sense, but really spirals us down worse and worse and worse and worse.

[00:07:51] Because then what happens? Your appearance on the outside looks different, but your on the inside doesn't. Your heart posture is still broken. You are still grieving. You are still mourning. You are still torn up. It doesn't matter what you do on the outside, the inside's still struggling.

[00:08:04] And I went through a dark time, a time where I am not proud of the woman that I was, the person that I was, how I talked to myself, how I viewed myself, my snappiness towards others. I had this amazing foundation in Christ. And praise Lord, because I maintained that foundation, but I was mad at God. I was mad at people. I was mad at my friends that were in good relationships, that their man loved them.

[00:08:28] I'm like, how do you have that and I didn't? What did I do so wrong? And again, I just looked it all inward, and I attacked myself. Me, this woman that's out here that's majorly successful. But, oh, by the way, during this time, I'm competing in world championships. I'm on a world stage. I'm expected to keep a top level performance.

[00:08:48] People in the military have no idea what's going on with me, and I have to put on a good face. I was battling so much for so long that it's not something that I talked about. It's not something-- until I recently realized, I'm like, "I think there is a lot of women, potentially men-- I can't speak for men-- but who go through something like that.

[00:09:08] And I have learned so much, what not to do, what to do, where to go, what makes it worse, what makes it better. And ultimately, my one piece of advice, which I know wasn't your question, but I'm going to say it anyways, to anyone, man, woman, whatever, who's going through a hard time, let me tell you what I've learned not to do.

[00:09:28] Don't try to suppress your feelings with other things. There's no trip, there's no alcohol, there's no other person, there's no family member, there's no friend that is going to come in and replace what you are feeling. What you are feeling takes time, takes healing, and takes realness.

[00:09:46] That's actually when you need to eliminate majority of those distractions and really focus on healing. It takes time. It takes vulnerability. You're going to be mad. You're going to be sad. You're going to cry. It's going to get uncomfortable. Journal, communicate, but don't try to replace that feeling with something else. Because all you're doing is prolonging the timeline of that healing process, and you're moving it further and further and further away the more you try to fill it with other things.

[00:10:13] If you haven't been broken, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's coming. At some point in everyone's life, you're going to feel it, whether it's a divorce, a loss of a loved one. And it's something we don't talk about, but it's something that people need to know that they can relate on.

[00:10:29] Because if there's anyone who's listening to this, that's in the middle of a divorce or anything along those lines, please reach out to me because I'm one of those resources, someone that can help pray over you, someone to lead you in the right direction. But ultimately, someone that's going to listen, and can be understanding and empathetic because most people may look at me and assume that everything's been given to me. I'm lucky.

[00:10:52] Kate: Yes.

[00:10:53] Riley: And it doesn't mean that it didn't come at a price, and it doesn't mean that hardship was immune, and trials and tribulations because I'm a Christian, because I'm a Marine and I'm big and tough, hasn't broke me and taken a big chunk of my life and my livelihood away from me at some point.

[00:11:09] Kate: Yeah. You make it look easy, so people think it is easy. And first of all, I'm so sorry you experienced that. As you're talking though, it reminds me of being in Pilates class years ago. It was during COVID, and I was at a new studio with my mask on and this gal who I had known for five minutes said, "Blah, blah, blah. I'm getting a divorce."

[00:11:30] And Riley, without even thinking, just out of my mouth, I went, "Oh my gosh, congratulations." She told me she was getting married or had a kid, and then I said, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." And she laughed, and she said, "Thank you for that levity." And she said, "No, that's correct."

[00:11:43] Because my thing is, if you're at that point, then it's a good thing that you're parting ways. And yours is such a betrayal. And I think when something like that happens, we do blame ourselves. We think in that it's women. It's like, well, it must be because of what I look like, or I'm not good enough and in some way. And we take on their shame.

[00:12:01] And you were so young, and you're still so young, but you were so young when it happened where you may not have all the tools. And so we do blame ourselves. But to then just be able to speak about it, and you're also really speaking to everyone's just so obsessed with our titles and our accolades and our awards, and you have them all in spades that they don't even consider that you may be suffering or struggling behind the scenes.

[00:12:24] And so then we don't extend that compassion or empathy. It's more of like, I don't have to worry about Riley, or she's a rock star. Gosh, she even makes me feel bad about myself because she's done so much. And so that's why I think it's so important that we share our truth and we share our story. And as you're talking as well, I appreciate you being a spokesperson for feelings, which I am as well because I even noticed I'll be walking around anywhere in the world, but we'll say Los Angeles, and I feel like everybody is drinking and smoking and vaping and using drugs and [Bleep] and [Bleep], and all these things that are so prevalent in our society.

[00:13:00] I was even just around friends of friends, and they were just smoking nonstop. I didn't, but I wanted to say, "Hey, what do you not want to feel? Let's feel it." Because at some point it's going to come out with a vengeance. And I know it's scary, and I know it's uncomfortable, but that's where the juice sits.

[00:13:20] Riley: It is, and that's what we want to run to. We want to numb it. We don't want to feel it. We want to be taken somewhere. And that's oftentimes a defense mechanism. That's your brain and body actually protecting you. But you're taking it a step further too far. Because when you're drowning yourself in other things, the bottle, drugs, friendship, things that aren't always bad, you are prolonging your healing.

[00:13:44] You're preventing yourself from feeling that. Only reason why I know it is because I've done it. Hello. I tried those things. I literally did because I did not want to deal with it. I did not want to confront it. I did not want to believe it. I felt like a badger. And if I worked hard enough, if I kept myself busy-- that's a big one.

[00:14:01] If I just kept myself busy, if I never stopped, my brain wouldn't process and think about it. Until you hit a point where you think about it and you break and explode because you've been holding onto something for so long. I love working out. I love weightlifting. If I say, "Hey, Kate, here's a five-pound dumbbell. Hold it in front of you like this." You may have no problem for the first 30 seconds, minute and a half. It's only five pounds.

[00:14:25] You start doing that five minutes, 10 minutes, an hour, that five pound dumbbell is going to feel like 1,000 pounds. That's what you're doing when you're holding onto these things and you're not confronting it. You're holding it. It doesn't feel that heavy at the moment. But as more time and time and time goes on, you're carrying that everywhere you're going.

[00:14:45] You are not being true to yourself because you're putting on a massive win that's not even existent. Or you're portraying something to other people that's not truthful. And again, I'm not staying your feelings, but I'm someone who feel it so you can move on. Feel it and progress. Don't feel it and get stuck there because you have two options. Something bad happens, you take it, you feel, then you stay there, or let it knock you down.

[00:15:12] Or you're like, I'm going to use this to learn, and I'm going to keep going anyways. And that's the part of the story that I love sharing now. At the time, I didn't feel it. I didn't know if it would ever come. And I truly now have met somebody, my fiance, Danny, who is the most amazing man I've ever met in my entire life. I cry sometimes, and I'm not an emotional person.

[00:15:31] I cry and I'm like, "What did I do to deserve this man? I don't deserve man. There must be something wrong with him. How is he this perfect? What did I do, God, to deserve a man like this after I'm divorced." And you have to put yourself back out there. That's the closing of that story for anybody.

[00:15:54] For anybody, there is joy on the other side. It doesn't mean it's happiness. It's joy. You choose joy. You choose to put your hope in something because you know what good looks like, and you know that it can be out there. But it takes putting yourself out there. It takes being vulnerable, and it takes proper healing.

[00:16:09] Because if I never properly dealt with that situation, I would never be ready for Danny when he came my way. And the only reason why I'm prepared to be with him and really spend the rest of my life with him and make these vows is because I let myself heal, and I was real with myself so that I could grow as a person and then take on another relationship years down the line.

[00:16:33] And so I think there's some people that stop there and think it's going to be sucky and terrible all the time. So they just, again, never fully heal from it. And it's just carrying that five-pound weight years and years and years and years. And I just think it leads to a lot of bitterness and unhappiness.

[00:16:49] Full story, to really close it, most people think I'm crazy. My ex-husband, I love and care for him. Not in love with him, but I love him. I pray for him. I'm not angry. I'm not mad. I'm not bitter. I've chosen forgiveness, which means that every day I choose to forgive him. Every day, I'm not going to let his actions affect me. That's what he did.

[00:17:12] I pray that he learns from it and can go on and meet somebody great and be the best daggone husband that he possibly can be to someone else. And I truly mean that with every ounce that I have, because I have happiness with the man of my dreams, why would I not wish out upon someone else?

[00:17:30] And I think once you're able to reach that level, that's also where you continue to find success. That's where you continue to grow as a person. And it's so freeing. So again, I like never talk that much a depth about things. And I know I just took up 20 minutes of the podcast, but if there is one thing that people can take away, like, please, please, please, I hope you listen to that and can take a piece of that.

[00:17:52] Kate: Thank you for sharing all that with us. And you're so passionate and I feel that. And this is such a testament to, it's so liberating and freeing and refreshing to speak about things that people don't normally ask us about. And because it might make not only you uncomfortable, but them uncomfortable, or it's like we don't talk about those things. Or let's just talk about your success and all these externals that people-- they can't even relate to being a Marine, but, oh, that's cool. So let's talk about it.

[00:18:22] And it's funny, I'm going to ask you about it in a second, but the Marine in you, that discipline to never give up and to cut your losses and then move on, and then it rewarded you. And sometimes I'll say to people, self included, sometimes you put in all the work and the second chance and the dream partner doesn't show up for a while. You're fortunate that he came in now instead of when you're 60.

[00:18:47] But I think it's just also when we do the work and we give it our all. And again, without even seeing or knowing or being there for it, I can feel the level and depth of forgiveness and the inner work that you did because that's why you attracted this partner. But also, that's the inner Marine in you. And that's why, like for me, the swimming, I don't swim anymore. But that discipline and that drive and what it took to compete, it stays with you for life.

[00:19:10] And so for me, it's worth its weight and gold. But again, when I think of the Marines, and I've heard some gnarly behind-the-scenes stories about what you all endure and go through in training, and I bow down to you, and I'm like a little scared for you and of you with that.

[00:19:24] But how do you go about your life as this beautiful woman and have-- from where does this desire to become a Marine come from?

[00:19:36] Riley: Yeah, I love talking about this. As a woman growing up in Indiana, there was no military bases around, and the military was really far removed from where I was. Yes, we have 4th of July, and the Midwest is very patriotic, and a lot of American flags and all that stuff. But I never saw people in the military.

[00:19:57] So a huge part of my story was I never saw it, so I didn't think I could be it. I didn't think it was possible to be a Marine, let alone in the military, but even the Marine Corps. I was like, the Marine Corps is men. That's just what's ingrained in my head. And so many people that I talk to, you think of Marine, you think of mad, screaming, yelling, disciplined, fit, male.

[00:20:19] Whatever that looks like in your head, that's probably somewhere close to that. And to me, that was a huge part of my story. I went to college on a softball scholarship to George Washington University. My goal was to get a great education on, say, political science in Russian and history. And I was like, "Okay, I want to use this and make an impact. I want to help the world."

[00:20:41] And the best way I thought to do so was to be in the FBI or CIA because it just sounds cool. [Inaudible]. How many spy [Inaudible] people walked and they're like, "I don't want to do that." That was just me. I don't know. I didn't know what I was doing. And I met a Marine recruiter when I was 18 years old. I was in my softball clothes, and he just had started having conversation with me, and it was then that the Lord put on my heart, oh my goodness, I think this is what I want to do.

[00:21:07] I think I'm called to the Marine Corps. And then what really drew me in was when he was talking about being a servant leader. When he was talking about, you're going to live to serve other people. When he was talking about, you're going to work out for the rest of your life. You don't have to sit behind a desk all the time.

[00:21:24] You can not only sit behind a desk at times, but you're also going to learn how to shoot a weapon, and you're going to travel, and you're going to hike, and you're going to work out. And working out is a part of your job requirement. So I'm like, "Wait a minute. I'm going to be an athlete forever?" I got to go from being a college athlete to a tactical athlete? Okay. And then he's like, "And, you're going to live and travel in some of the coolest places in the world. The Marines are always stationed by water, so you're going to be by some kind of ocean."

[00:21:49] I'm here in beautiful, sunny California, in San Diego, working, like, life is nice. But ultimately, it was a challenge for myself. It was a challenge that scared me at the time. It was a challenge where I looked at it and I was like, "I'm a division one athlete, starting as a freshman." At the time I had 3.8 GPA, was crushing it. And someone came to me with a challenge that honestly put some fear into me, and I'm like, "Yes, I want to see this through."

[00:22:19] So I went to Office of Candidate School. I was 19. I was one of the youngest in this first range, and I knew nothing. I showed up with my hair down. For anyone who knows anything with the military, I got screamed at and yelled at. I didn't know the difference between a colonel and a PFC. I knew nothing. I showed up and was just like, "Let's do it."

[00:22:38] And I went from being a civilian and having that transition of what it feels like to earning the title of Marine over my course of my training. And I loved it. I loved leading people. I loved bringing the energy and working out and training, but mentally challenging myself to my breaking point. Here's where my limit is. I don't know if I can do this. And then you do it, and you're like, okay, if I do that, then I can do this.

[00:23:04] And then it elevates, and it raises. And then all of a sudden, I had never shot a weapon in my entire life, and I'm able to be proficient on a weapon system. Again, I'm coachable. I'm learning. I can do this. Or shoot, I get to the fleet, and I'm leading men that have never been led by a woman before. I'm like, "Okay, this is a new challenge."

[00:23:26] And every single day that I've been in the Marine Corps for the past over six years, my deployment to Iraq, my three duty stations, all the jobs that I've had, the Marines I've met all over, I have been blown away by the men and women that I've met. Truly the top 1% of the 1% of the United States, men and women, belong to the United States Marine Corps.

[00:23:44] And I am blessed and honored to learn from them every day to try to make a positive impact on them, but to live a life that I know that is full of purpose, that is full of impact, and that's full of pride for my country and what I can do for them in serving. And I look at that now, and I thank the Lord for that day when I met that marine recruiter.

[00:24:06] And now, full picture, I'm in a recruiting job right now where my goal and what they are asking me is to go out and recruit the next best officers and make some more people and bring some more people to the Marie team. It's a full circle blessing. It does not mean that it's been easy. Oh my goodness.

[00:24:23] Again, I've failed a lot, but I've learned a lot, and I've grown a lot, and I'm really proud of the transformation and where I am in now, and I'm looking forward and really excited for the continued lessons and unfortunately the continued failure that's probably going to come with it, to continue to be the best marine that I can for my Marines because I deserve it.

[00:24:42] Kate: Wow. Congratulations on taking this, for me, a huge risk. Because even thinking about one day of training in the Marine Corps scares me to death. And I'm a tough girl, and I'm an athlete too, but them screaming at you or like the hair or doing something wrong. Because again, without knowing many details, and I think none of us really know details and for a reason, but I just know that it's intense. It's hardcore.

[00:25:08] You are one of the few women in there. How are you so fearless and not shaking in your boots to even just take on, not even one day, but all of the training and then go on and serve our country overseas? I'm terrified for you just thinking about it.

[00:25:22] Riley: So I tell people this, fear is still there. There's no lack of fear. That exists. It's what I do with it. And I love the word fortitude. I love the word fortitude. It's I recognize the fear is there. I'm embracing it, and I'm going to keep going anyways. I'm resilient. So when I went to Iraq, I was scared. I wrote a will. I was scared. I said bye to my family. Am I going to see them again? Normal human feelings.

[00:25:54] You'd be lying if you say you didn't have them. Scary. I go down a bobsled track 90 miles an hour. I'm scared I could crash. Sometimes I do. Majority of the time I do. That is there. It's what do you do with that fear. It's fortitude. I accept the fear. I acknowledge it is there. I speak on it. I do what I need to do, but I'm going to keep pressing and moving forward because I'm not going to let that fear stop me from achieving what I know I can do.

[00:26:19] And that's where greatness is. Greatness is pushing past that fear to get to that fortitude lane and falling and failing, if you do. But if not, in my true, honest opinion, I tell you this, Kate, little wisdom, it's not failure if you learn from it. In my opinion, failure's never getting off the daggone couch and going to go do it anyways. Because at least I'm trying to have a chance. And for me, that's something I sucked on.

[00:26:46] Joshua 1:9 is my absolute favorite Bible verse. And this is something, literally, when I am scared, I repeat over and over and over again. It's Joshua 1:9. It says, "Do not be fearful or anxious. Be bold and courageous for the Lord Your God is with you wherever you go." And it is saying so many times, do not be afraid. Do not be scared. Be bold, be courageous.

[00:27:05] And I live by those words, be bold, be courageous. I'm not going to let fear prevent me. If I do, I'm missing out on my potential. And so, again, fear exists. There is no absence of fear. It's how you take that fear and internalize it, and what do you do with it? And I guarantee you, if you interview the top 1% of the most successful people, I read this, it's not certain characteristics you might think that makes them successful.

[00:27:34] It's not their looks. It's not their determination. It's not their study habits. It's not their IQ. It's their resiliency and grit. And so ability to push on perhaps what most people are willing to do when they in interact with failure. And so that's a nugget that I chewed on and I take. And I'm like, "I'm going to do this anyways, and I'm going to take this opportunity that scares me because, in that, I will become resilient, find growth, learn more about myself."

[00:28:03] And if I fail, I'm going to pick myself back up, and I'm going to keep going. And what's really that scary about that? I'm more scared of if I didn't. What am I missing out on? And what could I have had? What could the Lord have built for me, but I'm too scared to go over that hump and see what's on the other side? Just food for thought for some people that are feeling that right now.

[00:28:29] Kate: I'm going to start calling you the fear whisperer. There's the horse, and the dog whispers. You're the fear whisperer. And again, you make it sound so easy. And I consider myself fearless in some ways, and I felt like I was a fearless kid, and I've taken a lot of big risks. But for us, mere mortals here who are never going to go to the Marines, who are never going to try out for the Olympics or-- the Marines is really-- because the Olympics aren't nearly as scary as the Marines, at least for me.

[00:28:56] The Marines, I'm terrified of, even thinking about one day of training. So walk us through whether someone's scared to file for divorce or leave a relationship or the job, or let's say they lose their job, or now there's real fears in the world. There's a war going on now. I can even feel the fear in the collective.

[00:29:18] And I've been in a little bit of fear this past week, and I'm like, I know better than this. Or you just have to trust. I'll hear my intuition or my coach, have to trust even more. And then I get irritated, like, I'm trusted, and it hasn't happened. And what if this thing doesn't happen? What am I going to do? I'm going to be screwed. And it's like, whoa.

[00:29:36] And then I recognize that's my inner child who's screaming and my nervous system's a little dysregulated because this version of me has got it. But I would just love if I called you up or if I was sitting next to you, whether I'm your best friend or stranger, and I'm like, "I'm freaking out right now. I know I shouldn't be scared, but I am."

[00:29:57] How you can walk us through that. Because you've literally been placed in situations, and even life and death, and you were scared. What are you telling yourself? It's deeper than even a mentality. There has to be something in the body. I would love to hear your experience in that. When that happens to me, I want to just be think of you in this moment and be like, "All right, I got this because of what Riley said."

[00:30:21] Riley: So the first thing I tell people is you have to say it out loud to someone else. First step, very first step. I am scared of crashing my bobsled 90 miles an hour. I need to voice that. So I'll call up Danny, my spouse. I'll talk to my coach. I'll talk to my teammates. And the first thing I'll say to them is, "Hey, I got to be real with you. I'm freaking out a little bit. I'm really nervous about a crash. I don't know why it's in my head. I can't shake it."

[00:30:50] Number one, you say it out loud and you vocalize it to someone else that you trust. The second you do, there's something about that fear that your mind internalizes and has literally chains and gripping you breaks a little bit. Because now you just allowed yourself to be vulnerable in sharing that with someone else.

[00:31:08] Another one, let's talk real. Danny and I want to have kids. What if I'm not a good mom? That's a real fear. Do I have what it takes to be a mom? Am I going to be a good mom? And you start working yourself up. If I never vocalize that, I allow that to have so much power in my brain and my mind that can literally choke you up. So step one, find someone that you can vocalize that to.

[00:31:31] Now what you just did by expressing that fear is you allow yourself to have what's called an accountability partner, someone that you trust in your inner circle. Now, I just shared with you one of my biggest fears. I'm really scared, let's just say, of being a terrible mom, and it's eating me up. Now you're my accountability partner. You now know that. There's a level of trust that I'm having with you.

[00:31:51] One, I can take a deep breath because I just stated it, and now I'm talking to someone else who's like, "Riley." Insert number two, your trusted closest tribe, your circle, your people who reminds you of who you are. "Riley, you're an incredible person. You're determined. You speak so well to people. You're really thoughtful. You wrote a children's book. You know how to talk to kids. You've never been a mom before, but it doesn't mean you can't be successful. You were never a marine, and now you were a marine. You were once never a bobsledder, and now you're a top level bobsledder."

[00:32:26] Other people raised you not knowing what to do. There is no book. There is no standard of being a mom. There's no one right way to do it. And then all of a sudden, during that time, your fear starts to decrease. You're like, "Oh, okay." Now I'm rationalizing. I'm talking to someone else. I'm having dialogue. Okay, you're right.

[00:32:45] And what that tribe, what that close person does to you is remind you of who you are. They're there to lift you up and remind you of the goodness and the greatness that you have. Two, they're there to remind you of your other responsibilities and things that you have done. Hey, I can't have you so focused on this. All this stuff's going around. But if we don't get through this, you can't focus on any of that.

[00:33:05] So let's really dig this out. Why are you scared? Why does that scare you? What is your biggest fear from that? Sometimes when you ask five whys, you actually get down to the root of it. And you think that the fear was this, but really the fear is something else. You address it. You confront it. But now, because I've trusted you with that information, you are now helping me build that fear and break it back down and analyze it.

[00:33:30] And then what you're going to do, quite simply, I know this sounds stupid, vocalize it. Find your trusted friend in circle. And three, you're going to hold yourself and them accountable with an actionable plan of how you're going to continue to do hard things. So you're like, "Wait, I don't understand." My mantra is do hard things. Do hard things.

[00:33:52] Why do we do hard things? The more hard things that we do, resiliency and grit and fortitude is built. And it can look small. You know what people hate doing? Taking a cold shower. It sucks to take a cold shower. Take a 30-second cold shower. Get in an nice bath. Feel uncomfortable.

[00:34:10] You know what I hate doing? I hate waking up early. Riley, you don't understand. I'm not a morning person. Okay. Wake up at 0530 and go straight to the gym one day. Do something hard. I hate public speaking. Okay. Sign up for comedy, whatever, and you're going to get up on a small stage, and you're going to public speak.

[00:34:30] Riley, I'm really scared of heights. Okay, well, you know what? We're going to inch our way up a little bit. You're going to go to said name and music park with me, and we're going to do this. And then next thing you know, the more hard things you start to do, once you recognize what that fear is, you're able to start knocking it down.

[00:34:47] Why am I so scared about this? So you continue to do hard things. The hard thing doesn't have to be directly related to your fear, but the hard things are other things that make you uncomfortable, that start to give you confidence and resiliency.

[00:34:59] Kate: I got to know, because again, you just brought up something that scares me to death, where again, there wasn't this kind of risk. I was a swimmer, a no contact sport. No one's even allowed to touch me. There's nothing to crash into, if you will. When you just said, "I'm scared to crash my bobsled going 90 miles an hour," that could be death, paralysis. That statement alone terrifies me and my body.

[00:35:27] And I'm not young anymore either, but I'm just like, "No way in hell." It might be thrilling. I can win Olympic gold medal. For me, I'm like, "I'm never getting in the bo--" I don't even want to get in it. Now you're way more skilled than I am. But how do you even, a, pursue that? But b, that's a real fear.

[00:35:45] Riley: No, it is. But I will tell you this. So take your example. If I say, "Hey, I want to give you a bobsled ride, but you have to sign off that we could crash, all stuff." And you're like, "No way. I'm not doing it." And I'd ask you, why? Why would you not do it? Well, I'm scared of crashing. Okay, what if I told you you crash 0.01% of the time statistically. You communicate because, hey, we only crash 0.01% the time.

[00:36:13] You're more likely to get in your car after this and get in a car accident more than you are to crash this bobsled with me. Also, of the wrecks, of the 0.01%, only 0.02% of ever ended in death. Or there's never been a death. In extreme circumstances, people get hurt because they don't follow proper protocol. If we have our helmet, if we have this, if we maybe start a little bit slower, if we navigate and ship these things, actually we're setting up parameters.

[00:36:41] Now, anything could happen at any point. You could have a heart attack in five seconds from now. It's what do you do with that fear. And you start breaking it down like that. And that's why you vocalize with other people. You're like, "Actually, what am I really that scared of? Because what if I told you all the things that you're scared of? What if I changed it on you and said, "Oh yeah. But what if it's the best time of your life?"

[00:37:08] What if you conquer that fear and now that fear doesn't grip you anymore? What if you go down and now you find love with a bobsled like I did, and in five years, you won a gold medal? What if you inspired your mom or your sibling or whatever because you did something that was hard? So now they're like, "If Kate can do it, you know what? I can do it."

[00:37:32] Kate: For instance, I think a lot of people, especially now have financial fears. Whether it's, how am I going to pay my mortgage? What if I lose my job? Or I did lose my job, now what? Or what if I run out of money? And they're real fears. And you want to be financially responsible, for instance.

[00:37:48] And there's, gosh, in Los Angeles, homeless people everywhere. You're in Venice right now. It's like, hello? So reality for a lot of people. So I see what you mean though, because when I say it out loud to myself, a trusted friend, a coach, a therapist, I'm scared I'm going to run out of money. Even as I say it, my very next thought when I say that out loud to you is, I'm Kate freaking Ekman. I'm not going to run out of money. I can do this, this, this, and this.

[00:38:14] And then it's like, you sound ridiculous. And then I go a step further. I'm like, "This isn't me talking. It's my inner child. She likes comfort and safety and security like we all do." You know, kids, they want to be in their cozy PJs and good food and told their good boys and girls. And so I think that really does help.

[00:38:30] And then when you say it out loud, it's like-- even I found the other day, just calling my mom and releasing this stress and tension. And it's weird because by the end of it nothing technically changed circumstantially, but I was like, "Eh, I'm fine."

[00:38:47] Riley: But you realize this control we have. More than ever, our population has control issues because we can, because we have this. And we can navigate and control and find and pull. So we want to be able to navigate and control things we can't. And it causes people stress and fear because they have no control over it.

[00:39:12] And I'm like, "That is a wasted emotion." To be honest, wasted. Anxiety is wasted, completely wasted. You're taking up your time, your space, your mental to focus on this one thing when you could be focusing on so many more. Because to your point, honestly, majority of the time, your actions aren't going to change the circumstances, aren't going to change what's around you, aren't going to do all that kinds of stuff that you think it really does.

[00:39:39] But ultimately, if I really was truthful with majority of Americans, and I said, "What if you lost your job? What if I took everything away from you?" What are you going to do? Answer that. If I'm like, "Hey, Kate. By the time you're talking to me, your credit card, they're emptied. Your house, it's gone, burned in the LA fire. You have nothing." What are you going to do?

[00:40:06] Kate: I'm going to call a family member. I'm going to call a friend. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to rebuild. I'm probably going to cry and mourn and grieve and feel my feelings as you and I are both promoting. And I'm going to figure it out. And I'm in a position where I'm tough. I've overcome.

[00:40:22] It's going to suck. I'm going to be upset. And then I'm going to, which I've never been great at, lean on other people. I'm going to ask for help. I'm going to put something on social media like I did during the LA fires where 30-something people, some of whom I hadn't spoken to in years, said, "You can come stay with me." And so I think that's a beautiful thing too, is maybe even in that fear or tragedy, you're like, "Wow, I have more true friends than I even thought of."

[00:40:49] Or we show up for each other. GoFundMe donations. You might say, "Hey, I've got a guest house. Come stay here for three months, or whatever." And in that three months, it may suck because I'm in a transitional period right now myself. But then I keep asking myself and God, Spirit, Universe, what is this time about?

[00:41:07] Or what is this perceived delay about? Or what should I be learning right now? I thought I already learned this lesson. And for me, just sitting and really listening. And to your point, the Marines, I don't have to fight the Marines. But for me, even living where I'm living now, it's very uncomfortable for me.

[00:41:24] Even right now I'm hearing noises and I'm trying to report. But I'm like, "You have to keep working. You have to keep creating. And my team, hi, team. I love you. You can mute me while Riley's talking and edit out the sounds. It's Rawish. You got to still work, even if it's not perfect, ideal conditions.

[00:41:38] And I think that's a huge takeaway in this moment, Riley, is these conditions, it's literally teaching me. It's my marine level training of I don't know why I knew this, but now I'm feeling it. I'm living it. You got to get better at dealing with imperfect conditions. And you don't have to always look perfect or sound perfect, and the lighting, and the tech. And we all want to be professional.

[00:42:03] And even when you showed up here, you're like, "I just got back from work. I'm showing up." And it's like, perfect. You're in USA, your bobsled gear. It's like, whatever. But I think it's showing up and letting things not be perfect. And then maybe when I am in my dream home, I can tell you from this experience alone, I'm going to appreciate it that much more.

[00:42:23] And in the meantime, there are worse places to be in the world right now than Venice, California. Even I just bought a gratitude candle, and it's even the small things. Even this where I feel like, oh, I can't record here because of these less than the desirable conditions. But here we are, and this is my favorite thing to do, is do these conversations with incredible people like you.

[00:42:44] And so perfect hair, wardrobe, lighting, tech, silence. It's just the fact too that I'm like, "I want silence." The world is noisy and chaotic and distracting as hell. Wanting silence and peace, that's an in inside job. It's internal. Because it's easy to feel peace when we're on our retreat in the mountains with the fresh air and nature.

[00:43:06] It's another thing to experience peace in Venice Beach with the chaos or on the New York City subway. So I think it's just those lessons. And then even as I'm talking, I feel silly, and it's never good to compare, but I'm like, "I sound so silly that this is uncomfortable for me versus people serving our country and fighting wars." Or like what you've done in the Marines. And so I never want to belittle my or anybody else's circumstances, but I think perspective is also a beautiful thing.

[00:43:36] Riley: Again, I love that you're saying these things because I couldn't agree with it more. What the Marines taught us is how to be the best version of yourself in a chaotic environment.

[00:43:47] Kate: Woo.

[00:43:49] Riley: To operate in war. And war is scary and full of unknowns, and that's a part of our core fighting-- that's a part of our doctrine. That's a part of what the Marine Corps teaches you, is get comfortable with the uncomfortable, and perform in the uncomfortable. We're going to take away your phone. We're going to take away your family. We're going to take your sleep, your eating. We are going to get you at your worst and expect you to perform your best. And who are you then?

[00:44:13] Kate: Ooh.

[00:44:14] Riley: Very similar to what sports does to you, and all this stuff. And so again, can you control whether or not there's a baby next door screaming, crying, yelling? No. Could you control if it was dead silent? No. You can't control that, so get over it. Especially, you can't do anything about that. You can't do anything about your circumstance no matter what.

[00:44:35] You're currently in the middle of a transition. I just moved. I can't do anything with that, but I'm going to make the best out of my situation, and I'm going to show up 100%. And I'm going to give whatever 100% of that I have. If I'm functioning 80%, I'm going to give 100% of the 80%. And I'm going to keep showing up, and I'm going to keep going, and I'm going to keep doing.

[00:44:53] And again, it's realizing the more you have conversations with other people that have your back, the more you realize these things. Because again, the goal of fear is to keep you isolated, still, and in that state. That's what it wants. Do not let it. So whatever it takes to get out of that, do it. And for me, that's what worked, vocalizing it to someone else.

[00:45:19] Having someone in my tribe remind me of the things that it was. Coming up with a plan by doing hard things and going forward and putting myself out there and regardless, and holding myself accountable for it. It seems so simple and complex, yet it's the easiest thing you could possibly ever do.

[00:45:37] But right now, more than ever, we are a society that is fearful, that is operating in the unknown because we can't control factors. And it is breaking people and causing anxiety and fear and turning us into a version of ourselves that's not setting us up for success. So get real. Get uncomfortable with the uncomfortable because it's not going to change. It's not going to get any better.

[00:46:01] And the more you do that though, like you said, the better you are for it. Kate is now resilient. If you can do it in those conditions-- I can do it when it's good because I know I can do it when it's bad.

[00:46:15] Kate: That's a huge takeaway for me. In the worst of circumstances, in the chaos, who are you? And again, this is first world problems. For me, I am living in a space, it's the summer, and there's no AC, for instance. And I am the ice queen. I sleep with it 64 degrees for the optimal sleep. And I get so hot, and I want to be freezing when I get into bed.

[00:46:37] And so when I get into bed hot, for instance, and it's like, oh God, again, first world problems. You're sleeping out in the desert, saving our country. So thank you. But I like to be the test dummy for people and bring up an example, and that's a silly example. But in the worst of circumstances, who are we?

[00:46:57] So then that is the training. That's the Marine, best of the best training, if you will. So then when you get to the ideal situation, when I am in my air-conditioned, multimillion-dollar studio, hosting Rawish in front of this huge audience and I have this incredible team, it's going to feel just so easy.

[00:47:16] And I'm going to appreciate it that much more because I'm in less than favorable conditions right now. And there's so many distractions, but thank you for being so interesting and amazing because I'm just so narrowed in on you and being present with our conversation, despite the fact that there's a million noises going on around me.

[00:47:32] Riley: Yeah, yeah. And again, it's just a reminder, and I'm so proud of you for that. And again, at the end of the day, it's perspective. Wow. You have to think about this. How do you know what happiness is? Because you've experienced sadness. You can appreciate happiness more because you've been sad. And it's just things like this.

[00:47:53] Sometimes it takes that balance to then look back and be like, "Oh my goodness. I'm so glad that happened." And so that's why I tell people, it's not that I'm afraid of failure. I don't want to fail. I don't want it. But if I'm going to pray for patients, I know my patience is going to get tested. If I think I'm going to have a big calling that I'm going to impact and speak on behalf of women, that means I'm going to have a story to tell. And that story probably doesn't mean I'm going to have trials, tribulations, and a lot of hardship.

[00:48:24] Kate: Yeah.

[00:48:24] Riley: But you're not alone.

[00:48:26] Kate: The hero's journey.

[00:48:27] Riley: Yeah, you're not alone. You are so loved beyond measure. It's getting past that fear that wants to keep you by yourself. Get out there and speak, talk, communicate. Don't let it hold weight. Don't be holding that five-pound. Let it go. Loosen the grip. Share that with someone else. Allow that burden to decrease. And the result is incredible, what it'll do for your life. Truly, truly, truly. No, this is good. I love this.

[00:48:59] Kate: No, this is so fun. It's rare speaking to a female marine and so inspiring. And then you're the superstar athlete. And then even just thinking of a marine, plenty of athletes, but a marine writing a children's book. Tell me how that came and why that was so important to you, especially when one of your fears is that you're not going to be a good mom, and here you're speaking and writing for children. I love that.

[00:49:26] Riley: Yeah. So let's talk about another stereotype of marines. So we're dumb, and we eat crowns. There's a huge joke. People don't know. I don't know why, but I'm supposed to tell you like, do you meet crowns? And then people are like, "Oh, you're a marine. You're dumb." So I joke because I say y'all, and my mom makes fun of me. I was really good in school, but English and grammar, never found enjoyable.

[00:49:49] And I joke that's probably why I wrote the children's book instead of an adult book, because it's easier and it's simple. But this is my book. It's called, If You Can Dream It, Be It. And talking about fear, but not fear, also goals. A big part of what we talk about is vocalizing your fears.

[00:50:05] Well, on the flip side, vocalize your goals. For example, I always wanted to write a book. I never told anyone that. Now, there was people who were like, "Riley, you should write a book." Other authors, all this stuff. Well, it wasn't until I was, what, 26, 27, and I was doing an interview, and they said, Riley, you've done all these great things. What's next for you?"

[00:50:26] And I said, "Before I'm 30, I want to write a book." Same thing happened about the fear. Oh my goodness, I just said it out loud to someone else. Now I've shared that again, exact [Inaudible] situation, different. I shared this with someone else who's going to hold me accountable, who's going to want what's best for me, who's going to remind me why I should keep going.

[00:50:46] Now I have to do it. Oh my goodness. So, that's what happened here. I wanted to share my story, why? Going back, I never saw a girl be a Marine. I never saw a female marine. I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think it was feasible. I didn't think, as a woman, you could be a professional athlete.

[00:51:06] Caitlin Clark, hello. All these other amazing women, they have done it. But in the early 2000s, women weren't able to just have a professional career in sport. I also never thought I would be someone that would be capable of writing a book. Again, all of these fears, all these things. Me, I don't know what I'm doing.

[00:51:25] I'm just an athlete. I'm just a dumb jock. I'm just a Marine. What do I know about the publishing? It's scary. I said I'm going to write a book, and I have no idea where to start. I don't know anything about writing books. And again, you just got to do it. You got to start. You got to vocalize it.

[00:51:42] You need to do research. You need to ask people for help. What does this look like? And the next thing you know, I'm holding this book in my hands, and I've been able to have little girls come up to me and saying, "Wait a minute. So you're telling me I can do anything I want in this world as a job?" I'm like, "Yeah." They're like, "Wait a minute. That's you. You do all these things." Yeah.

[00:52:10] I was able to give a child with special needs my bobsled helmet because he thought I was the coolest person in the world he's ever met. And to this day, they've reached back out to me saying that their son uses it and looks at it and thinks he has met a hero. And I'm just a person. So what I mean by that is there's dreams, goals, and desires too that are on your heart. They're there.

[00:52:40] What is something you've always wanted to do and you haven't done it? And when I asked you that question, know that I'm about to trick you because your excuse that you're going to give me is wrong. Well, I don't have time. You have time. You have the same amount of time as I do you. Your priorities just may not be that way.

[00:52:57] Well, I don't know where to start. Most people don't know where to start. There are people who do know how to start. Have you asked for help? Insert whatever excuse you're going to give me, and I can fire back right at you the reason why you can and why you should and why you're equipped.

[00:53:11] I believe that the Lord has placed desires on all of our hearts. There's certain things that make our heart just skip a beat a little bit more. We talk about it when we're really passionate about something. For example, I've never had the desire to be a podcast host, but you are glowing right now when you talk and you get to speak and you're doing your podcast.

[00:53:30] That is a goal, a dream, desire that was put on your heart. But Kate, day one had to start somewhere. Hey, I want to make this podcast. Okay, how are you going to do it? And you did it. I don't have that desire, so I'm not going to do it. You don't have a desire to be a bobsled pilot. We all don't have the same desires, but we have desires. I noticed, again, because of fear, people aren't using their desires and working towards them.

[00:54:01] And so my biggest thing that I just want to, again, share and spread to as many people as I can is your gifts and desires that on your heart are meant for you, but have the ability to touch millions. Your trait, your personality, your skill, your craft has the ability to truly change the world and make an impact. And if not, what if it can change one person's life?

[00:54:30] What if it can have that positive of an impact that someone's life is forever changed because of what you did? Is it not worth it? So trace that dream. Trace that desire. I cannot promise you it's going to happen. I have failed more times than not, but sometimes, every once in a while, if you try enough, you put yourself out there enough, you're going to succeed at some point.

[00:54:53] And this is what success looks like. You don't see this is a one success. You don't see the 10, 100 things I failed at. But at some point, you're going to get it right, and you're going to get something you're proud of, and you can get something that can change a trajectory of someone's life. And it's worth it.

[00:55:08] And you know who's listening, what that desire is, and I encourage you more than ever that today's the day to make that phone call to that friend. Share with them that dream and that desire. And you're going to put an actionable plan together on how you're going to start accomplishing it. Because now there's no excuse. Now you've stated it. I'm holding you accountable. You know exactly who you are, and there's no better time than now.

[00:55:31] Kate: Yeah. And this is your sign, whether you needed one or not, to do that thing. Maybe it's the hobby, or maybe it's the exercise program. There's so many people who always say to me like, "Oh, I really want to write a book." And I never [Inaudible] anybody I wanted to write a book. I just hired someone to help me put together a manuscript and sell it and write the book.

[00:55:52] And so I think there's so much to that too. And if there's one takeaway from things that you're saying right now, it's to be fearless. And that's not just you're born with it. It really is a practice of talking to people, of naming it, and really just walking through it. But I have to just ask too, just one more thing on the fear and overcoming that, is, I'm sure there were maybe a time where you were having an off day.

[00:56:17] Maybe you were so sleep deprived or didn't eat properly, or you were really distracted by finding out about your ex-husband and the betrayal. How do you keep going in the face of these setbacks? Because we're all experiencing them, and I don't think it's in either one of us to give up or throw in the towel. But I think some people are just at their wit's end with some things right now.

[00:56:42] Or maybe someone is having a difficult time with their child, wants to give up or isn't performing or is rebelling. What is that with you that you keep going even when things are really tough? Or you tried to write the book six times and it didn't work out. You could have concluded, this isn't meant for me, and I'll try something else.

[00:57:02] Riley: You remember your why. You go back to your why. Your why is your foundation. Your why is defined only by you. What is your purpose? What is your goal? What is your desire? So when all else fails, what is it that you hold onto? And for me, for the book, for example, my why is making sure that there's not another Riley growing up that realizes that women are in the Marine Corps? I refuse. That is my why. That is my purpose for this book.

[00:57:35] My purpose for this book is to let all women know that they can be in the military and have all these other jobs. And so when it gets hard-- trust me, when publishers tell me, we're not going to take your book, thanks, but no thanks. When I try to get in bookstores, they say, it's not popular enough. When I try to put it on TV shows, oh, we're not interested. It happens.

[00:57:58] You don't take it personally. The answer is always no, if I don't put myself out there, and I'm doing this for something bigger than myself. So I'm going to keep going. Because that little girl, that young Riley deserved to know when she was growing up, that this was a job and opportunity and a place for her, and that people have gone before her to pave the way so she has a seat at the table.

[00:58:24] And I refuse to let anyone else have that story. Or I'll just be really candid. Working out. I train every day. I love it. I can't tell you the number of times that I'm like, "I do not want to work out today." Oh my goodness, I can't think of anything worse right now than going to the gym. And I'm like, "This is what makes me who I am." I'm obsessed with greatness. I'm obsessed with doing what others are willing not to do so I can have what they do not.

[00:58:53] I'm going to show up. I'm going to dedicate 30 minutes. That's it. I'm going to get up, and I'm going to show up, and I'm going to do it. I'm going to do the thing that is hard. You can't teach that, I'll be honest with you. You can't fake it. But know that's where most people break.

[00:59:09] And if you want to be great and you want to do something different and you're at your wit's end, what is one successful person that has completely and constantly quit and giving up on themselves that you look up to? Ask some of that. And so if your why is for your kids, if your why, which is for me, often finding my testimony and following Christ, if your why to be the best version of you that you possibly can, if your why is, I want to live longer and be healthier, go back to whatever that is and be obsessed with it.

[00:59:40] Remind yourself that, and you keep going. And there will be times where there's no motivational advice I can give you, other than, if you want something you don't have, you have to be willing to do something you don't want to get it.

[00:59:53] Kate: Yeah. You know who you remind me of? And maybe it's because I'm in Venice Beach too, and they shot a lot of the scenes here. But you just remind me of the Barbies and the movie Barbie, starring Margot Robbie and Greta Gerwig, who was the incredible director. And it was so epic. And here is where she learns about the patriarchy for the first time.

[01:00:12] But I love that because you're like the Barbies in that you have the audacity to go after your thing. People think Barbie is just a ditzy blonde. The Barbies were all different races and ethnicities, and they were Supreme Court judges, and they were presidents of the countries. All these huge titles that predominantly have gone and still do go to men.

[01:00:32] And they would win awards, and they would say, instead of thanking everybody else and making about everybody else, it's like, thank you. I deserve this. I worked really hard. I earned it. And that's who you remind me of, is the Barbies of just having the audacity to claim this for yourself regardless of if anyone's done it before.

[01:00:51] This is usually what men do. And I think that's what's so inspiring about you. All the accolades and awards and titles, incredible. But it's who you are as a person that doesn't talk about it. You do it and claim it, and you lead by example. And we've almost possibly had two female presidents in the United States, and that's very helpful. But you're on that level two, just being a Marine. And I applaud and appreciate you for not just talking about it, but being about it.

[01:01:21] Riley: That's the most powerful thing. And there's times when talking about it is easy. Lip service is easy.

[01:01:27] Kate: Yeah, it is.

[01:01:28] Riley: It's doing it. And I'll leave you with one of my favorite sayings. The only easy day was yesterday. And what does that mean? That's a big, big mantra of the military community. The only easy day was yesterday because you've already gotten through it. It's already done. You can't go back. You can't change it. It was easy. What are you going to do today?

[01:01:50] And my dad and I are saying, win the day and pay your rent. The rent is due. What does that mean? Every day when you wake up, you have tests. You have a decision. You have a choice. What are you going to eat? How are you going to show up for yourself? How are you going to treat others? How much effort are you going to put into the things that you do?

[01:02:10] You get to answer to that question. And every single day, the clock resets. Yesterday was far easy. You've already done it. How are you going to show up today? How are you going to win the day? And you are in control of a lot more than you think. You're in control of your attitude. You're in control of your effort. You're in control how you treat other people. You decide that. That is a lot of power.

[01:02:32] So instead of being fearful of things that you can't control, hone in and focus on things that you can, and do that the best way you can. Show up for yourself. Show up for other people. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need to. And slowly watch the person you become. Because I'll tell you the biggest secret that anyone will listen to on this whole podcast.

[01:02:56] There is no difference between you and me. I'm 5'7. I'm an average athlete. I can't read, write, spell. My sister's way smarter than me. But the difference between you and me right now is that I won't stop putting myself out there. I won't let fear stop me. I vocalize my goals. I dream big, and I go after it. And at some point, I will find success, because you're guaranteed to, if you keep going.

[01:03:29] Figure out what that is for yourself. Stop making excuses. And I can't wait to see what you accomplish in this world because other people are going to benefit. And other people are waiting on you to walk into your purpose. And it's a beautiful thing when she find it. And the world will thank you for that.

[01:03:45] Kate: Mm. That was beautiful. Thank you. What do you wish more women believed or owned?

[01:03:52] Riley: Women helping women.

[01:03:54] Kate: Ooh.

[01:03:56] Riley: Yeah. I unfortunately have seen the hard part where it's taken a lot for some women to get to the top. And the easy thing for them to do is to keep that for themselves. And not share and not help and bring other people up with them. I have seen more people say, "I'm at the top 1%. I did it, and I had to go through this, this, and this. So you have to too." Or, "I disassociate with you because you're not as strong as a woman as I think."

[01:04:22] And I don't say that in a way to disclude men. I say that in a way of, there are a lot of women that struggle to get to where they are. Why make that the same for everyone else? Help someone out. Be kind. Be understanding. Talk to people about your joy and suffering and in sharing and what that looks like and showing up for yourself. Less than 10% of women are Marines, less than 10.

[01:04:50] I'm walking into rooms where I'm the only one. If there's someone else there, how dare I not at least try to mentor and talk and help and answer questions that maybe only other women are going to be able to answer? Like, "Hey, what's it like being pregnant in the military?" I can't ask a man that. Nothing wrong with that.

[01:05:10] But my goodness, why am I not helping someone out? Why am I not navigating it and teaching them and showing them how to do their hair? I just see too many times where people have to be in competition with one another, or, "Oh, I've had my success, and I'm not willing to help you out because of it." Because I had to suffer, you must too, if you want to get to where I am. I just don't think that has to be the case. I think it's getting better, but I've experienced it, and it's tough.

[01:05:36] Kate: I don't know if you want to share or comfortable and without knowing the answer, as a woman, because you hear these stories too, sometimes there's, especially in these heavily male-dominated industries and jobs and careers, a lot of harassment that goes on [Bleep] or otherwise, or intimidation tactics, or putting you down, sexism. Did you experience any of that?

[01:06:03] Riley: Yeah. I didn't until the past two years. Yeah. I always give my honest answer. At first, I was like, no, everything's great. I haven't experienced this, and I would be lying if I said that I hadn't now. I have experienced harassment [Bleep] and verbally, and it is tough. But I had people that surrounded me that helped me get through it. I had people in my tribe that I could talk to about it.

[01:06:29] And I'm not going to say I understand why everything happens. Everything happens for a reason. But when bad things happen, you have a community to fall back on to that picks you back up and puts you right back in places where you're supposed to be.

[01:06:46] And then my goal and job is to be that for other women. Hey, here's some things to just be aware of. Here's some things that I didn't know. Here's some things I wish I would've known. And you can move on from that. But I just think a lot of people try to have this negative concern with the military and [Bleep] harassment.

[01:07:03] So before I even came in, I was told that I would be [Bleep] and assaulted if I joined the military as a woman. Straight up, I had people tell me that to my face and on social media. If you join the military, you're tempting other men, da, da, da. And I'm like, "Why is that my fault if other people can't control themselves? Why is that my fault, honestly?"

[01:07:21] And I think it was a fear tactic. And I've heard other people say the same thing, and I'm like, "No." The military has things in place. This is not a military problem. This is a people problem. It doesn't matter where you are. Men and women can be [Bleep] harassed and verbally harassed no matter what, wherever they go.

[01:07:40] It's not only located in one place. I've had people stand close me walking down the street. It doesn't matter where you are. But it has been something that you have to be able to talk about. And oftentimes you need allies and other women to be able to be like, Hey", have you ever experienced something like this? Hey, this is what happened to me. How do I go about this? What does this mean? What do I do?"

[01:08:05] And I've also had advocates of males. I've had the same conversation. So it's not just women, but in particular, there are some women that can just maybe talk to you about it more. "Hey, I've been through. This is what I did." But it's just being able to vocalize that, being vulnerable, and working to make sure that people can learn, and it doesn't have to happen again to other people.

[01:08:28] Kate: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And I'm sorry that you've experienced that. And as a woman, sadly, I feel like almost all of us have, and why it's so important to talk about it, tell the truth about it, confide in one another, get help, if that's something that we need. But not to suppress it, not to brush it under the rug, not to pretend like it doesn't bother us or it's okay. And to really speak up and out about it.

[01:08:52] So thank you. And that brings me to my last question. I'll say, if or when you have a daughter and you are a wonderful, stellar mother, what is something that you really want to instill in her from day one?

[01:09:10] Riley: I want her to know that it's okay to fail. And I see this in a lot of parents nowadays. I'm not saying it's helicopter parents. I think it's parents wanting to overly protect their children and not let them fail or go through hard things. I'll give a very raw example. My sister, unfortunately was in a car accident this morning.

[01:09:30] She's fine. Everything's okay. But I'm on the phone with my mom, and I love my mom, and she's like, "I wish this didn't happen. I wish I could take this away from her. I wish it happened to me instead of her." And I'm like, "Mom, I love you, but she had to go through that. Praise God, she's okay. Everything's fine. But she has to go through hard things. She has to experience it."

[01:09:52] You physically, as a mother, cannot protect her from all things. Now, that's a terrible example, but I'll give a different one. My sister's in law school. If my sister fails a test, she fails a test. It is what it's right. As a mom, you can't prevent that. You can encourage them. You can send them coffee. You can do whatever, but you can't take that away from their child.

[01:10:13] And so something that I want to instill in my child is like, it's okay to fail, and that's how you're going to grow and learn. I'm going to protect you and I'm going to watch out for you. But I'm not going to take those failures away because failing and learning as a kid, getting a grade back that you didn't study for and getting a C, you earned that.

[01:10:34] Kate: Yeah. And what I'm hearing too is we put so much pressure on ourselves, self included. I raise my hand and volunteer that, and I'm doing that to myself pretty heavily right now. So I'm acknowledging that and then taking actions to course correct there. And it's just because I care so much and I'm really passionate about these opportunities. And I'm a former perfectionist, and we're athletes, and so we're trained to give 1000%, and we have a spirit of excellence.

[01:11:00] But I love what you said. It's because there's so much shame around, "failing" or not being the best, whether it's in the classroom or on the field or then in the workplace. And then as women, what we look like. I feel like we're constantly shamed. We're shamed by advertisers and society.

[01:11:17] And I just love that, that you, of all the ways you could have answered and all the things that you said-- and again, we were talking about fear so prevalently in this conversation-- that there is not this fear of failure. And even that it's a good thing, and it builds character, and you learn so much from it.

[01:11:34] And I think if we all are raised in that sense, we can have more fun with it. I think we'll "fail" a lot less because it's like we have permission to mess up. We have permission to get dirty. We have permission to suck and not be good, and not have to be the best. And there's something about you become the best by that not being the goal at times.

[01:11:53] So because so many of us get to be the "best," we won the thing. We got the this. We got the that. And we're not happy. So that's not really a win. Or we're only fulfilled for a few minutes and then it's onto the next thing. So that's a been a huge takeaway for me in my life. I'm like, "Wait a minute. I did all the things they said I should do to be happy. I've achieved all the things that they said that I, and I still don't feel fulfilled." So what's up?

[01:12:17] Riley: I won gold this past season in January. I have worked five years to win gold in bobsled. And the moment felt incredible. My teammates, everyone was screaming. The other nations were with me, and it was a beautiful moment. And it hasn't even been six months-- well, no, it's about six months-- and I'm looking at it, and my medal is tucked away. I haven't even unpacked it yet, and it's ultimately worthless.

[01:12:48] The moment has passed. The celebration is gone. It's only worth the weight we put into it. So if you are chasing that thing, I will only be happy if, I'll be happy when, check yourself. It's not going to work out. My spouse is in England. I love him more than anything. I'm like, "I'm going to be so happy when you get here." If I'm not happy without you, I'm not going to be happy with you.

[01:13:12] My circumstance is not going to change based off of when I have something. It will flee. It will not fulfill you and give you the things that you want and that you truly desire. And that is one of the biggest takeaways that I have ever had. And I see it in people. There are times when there can only be the best, and the best is one. How many people are there in this freaking world?

[01:13:33] You are not going to be the best. There's always going to be someone bigger, faster, taller, stronger. Fill in the blank. That is just life. And the quicker you can realize that, but still utilize what you have and pursue greatness, the better you will be. But know this, there is such a false narrative that when I achieve this, when I'm a millionaire, when I have this house, when I have the kids, then it will be good.

[01:13:58] You will chase that next thing for the rest of your life forever until you die, and you will live a life full of unhappiness. It will never fulfill you the way you think. And that is the biggest ultimate treasure find I can possibly, possibly, possibly give. And if you are chasing that one thing, redirect it because it's not going to be what you think it is.

[01:14:24] Kate: Riley Tejcek, my cheeks hurt from smiling. I feel like I'm glowing from our conversation, and you just feel like a sister. I honor you, everything you have done and haven't done, everything you've achieved, everything you haven't achieved. It's all just a beautiful part of your journey.

[01:14:43] And to be at such a young age and so open with so much wisdom to share it, it's just a testament to your character. And really, that that's what pulls us through, is our character. All the other things are great, but that really shines through in this interview, and I applaud you. I applaud your fearlessness. And everybody be sure to go and check out her book.

[01:15:03] We'll put all of that information in the show notes. Thank you, my new sister, and thanks to all of you. We appreciate you being here. We'll see you right back here next week on Rawish. Bye, everybody.