The Expensive Price of Self-Abandonment

[00:00:00] Kate: I have a spirit of excellence, and I'm not available for mediocrity. And so I'm not going to feel bad about that. And if you want to be mediocre, that's on you. I do not want to be. The era of data collection is over. It's now like, what are we going to do with the information? How are we going to integrate it consistently and truly embody it?

[00:00:19] A lot of things and people are going to exit your life and quite swiftly, I may add. You have to do it without any applause. Why don't you sell your soul? Your tears are carrying every misalignment out of your body. Not your people. Maybe those are your people. They're not my people. Block, mute, delete. The end. This isn't about manifesting anymore. It's about remembering what's already ours. Welcome home.

[00:00:54] Hey, there. Welcome back to Rawish with Kate Eckman. It's just you and me today, and I'm really excited about that because I want this episode to be more like a ceremony. And it's going to be a release ceremony and we're going to be releasing some habits together.

[00:01:13] The song that comes to mind, I believe it's by Ed Sheeran, and he sings my bad habits lead to you, and I'd like you to think of this episode of our release habits lead home to us. And if you've been following along with me on my journey, you know that home, or the lack thereof a home, has played a really big role in my life in the past couple of months. And really cultivating that feeling and sense of home and safety and security and comfort within myself. And that home is wherever we are. And that home is a frequency.

[00:01:48] And so I want today's episode to really be a release ceremony and release all of the parts of ourselves, all of the identities, all of the nonsense, all of the people, places, things that just aren't in alignment with us anymore. And this has been such a huge theme of mine, and it's been painful, candidly.

[00:02:10] It's been eye-opening. It's been liberating. It's been healing. It's been rewarding and a cause for celebration, and it's been extraordinarily lonely and isolating. And it's something you don't expect when you do something really, really good for yourself. You think of only the positive benefits. You don't think of things like, I'm going to lose a lot of people, or I'm going to need to be willing to give up everything, essentially to commit to myself and the mission that I'm on.

[00:02:43] And so I really want to honor where I am and also where you are on your journey. And I want this to be a place where we can just let it all hang out, let our hair down, and really connect with ourselves. Because I'm finding it really painful I continue to see day after day how the lack of connection with ourselves is debilitating.

[00:03:07] And for me, it's really upsetting to have to spend so much time alone because I would rather be alone than be in the presence of someone who's so disconnected from themselves that they can't possibly connect with me, see me, hear me, acknowledge me, understand me, celebrate me. And so that's why this show was created and why this work is so important to me.

[00:03:30] And it's not just a selfish little goal, like, well, I want everyone to be connected so that I have more people to connect with, but just thinking of the state of the world and you know how everything improves when we learn how to come home to ourselves. So I wrote down 20 things that I have released, and it's been part of a ceremony and not so much a list and something that I'm like, "Here are the steps and I want you to do this."

[00:03:55] We're not going to do a hardcore workout here. But I wrote so many things down because I do spend a lot of time alone thinking and feeling really deeply, which sounds like most people's worst nightmare. And it's something that all of us were forced to do, especially during the beginning of COVID.

[00:04:14] And I saw the resistance to it. And I also saw things like alcohol sales, I think they went up 3000% or something, which just says to me that people don't want to feel, and people don't want to think alone, and people don't want to sit quietly. One of my favorite quotes ever is by philosopher Blaise Pascal, who says, all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

[00:04:40] All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Most people's worst nightmare. I guess I'm just embracing my inner weirdo because it's become probably my favorite thing to do, one of my favorite things to do. Because when we sit quietly in a room alone, we get to actually know ourselves.

[00:05:04] We get to actually not only hear ourselves and our truth, but source, God, spirit, universe, if you believe in that, your higher self, your intuition, the part of you who knows the way, who knows the truth. And I don't know about you, but I go on social media now, and it hurts my brain, and I'm seeing all the ChatGPT same captions.

[00:05:33] And I'm seeing this proving. And I recognize it so clearly because I've been in a place of proving my whole life up until recently, and I'm not going to participate in that anymore. That's one of the things that we're releasing. And I'll get to this because I wrote it all down. I don't have all of this stored in my head.

[00:05:52] I was receiving so many downloads. Again, I go off on these tangents as you know, but I do spend so much time quietly alone. And so I get these downloads, and sometimes the stuff that comes, that's why I have to write it down or I have to text it to myself immediately because it goes. And I know that it's because I'm connected to source because I am spending so much time alone all over the world, traveling solo.

[00:06:15] And I've been anticipating this life-changing opportunity for months now, and it still has not come through as of this moment I'm recording, and it has brought up a lot, a lot of feelings, frustration being the number one. And it has me questioning everything at times. And because of the social media noise, I look around and I think, wow, these people who do not have the training or credentials or experience or aren't doing it for the right reasons seem to be crushing it.

[00:06:46] And we never fully know. Social media isn't always the truth. But I found myself even comparing like, man, I should be making so much more money. I should be monetizing all of these things. Your pure heart is effing up your finances, dude. Get it together. And age comes into play because I'm at a certain age where in my mind I should be able to buy whatever home I want.

[00:07:13] And I think I'm a little jaded because I lived in New York City, in Los Angeles, and the real estate has obviously skyrocketed everywhere. But you look at the dumpiest crappiest house, and it's $2 million. Right now I am in an Airbnb in Venice. And I love when I told myself I was in Venice. She thought I was in Italy, which is my favorite city in the world. But I'm in Venice, California.

[00:07:38] I'm back in California tying up some loose ends after my European adventure. And there is a lot of resistance to being back in California. It's been a bit uncomfortable at times because I feel like I'm stuck and standing still and waiting on a few things to come through and contracts, and I feel like lawyers and corporate folks do not move at my pace, and that's frustrating.

[00:08:02] And so I've had to release so many things to really stay in alignment. And my biggest priority right now, besides my inner and outer health is keeping my vibration and frequency high. And when you're in fear, that takes you out, as you know. So I do have my journal here. I have so many things in here. My TEDx talk is written down in here, word for word, to memorize it from a year and a half ago.

[00:08:28] I take this all over the world with me, and at the top of this page, I have release habits, freeing myself, embracing a more powerful, fulfilling path. And like I said earlier, I'm recording this for the version of you who's ready to say goodbye-- the masks you wear, the people pleasing, the beliefs, the things, the people, the roles.

[00:08:47] And like I said, this is a release ceremony for everything you've outgrown. So I hope you can save this and return to it again and again. This is like the 20-course meal at the-- I don't know. Is it the fancy restaurant, or is it the dive bar? I guess we're not doing 20 courses at the dive bar, but I want this to feel a little bit more like the dive bar where we can just be fair.

[00:09:13] I used to go to this dive bar, and this is embarrassing to admit because I was 17, but I was a lifeguard at swim club in Cincinnati, and there was a bar that led us all in, underage. Again, this is not the best thing to be broadcasting, but I would go to this bar in my swimsuit and a t-shirt from Lost and Found because I wasn't planning on going out after that, and I had come from swim practice, and we would show up at Mt. Lookout Tavern.

[00:09:39] It was the best time ever because we got to look like that. Anyway, we're just telling stories. We're all over the place today. But that's how we do it here. So we're going to have that release ceremony, and maybe we're going to release judging what we did at 17. How about that? We're going to release what we did at 17 because we were 17, and we got to be 17 and do stupid things and fun things. We were living, right?

[00:10:06] I also wrote down, through releasing we learn how to receive the life that's already ours. And there's so much talk out there about manifesting this and manifesting that. And when I tuned in into that, I wrote down, this isn't about manifesting anymore. It's about remembering what's already ours. Welcome home.

[00:10:27] That's one of the most beautiful downloads I've ever gotten. It's not about manifesting anymore. It's about receiving what was already ours, remembering that it's already promised to us, and it really is about removing everything and everyone who told us we weren't allowed to have this. This meaning our dream life, our desires, anything, whatever that thing is.

[00:10:50] I don't know what this programming is that tells us it has to be hard, that we have to do all sorts of things and take all the courses and be and do and have all the things to be worthy of any of it. It's nonsense. I've done that candidly. I did all the things, and I still wasn't happy or fulfilled.

[00:11:08] So there you have it. It's releasing this idea that we aren't allowed to have this life. So I do, like I said, have some things written down that I'll refer to. If you're listening, you can't see that I'm talking on camera and you don't care. But for those watching on YouTube, I will be looking down occasionally to just go through these notes because it's so much, and I just want to go through these releases and invite you to go on this journey with me.

[00:11:35] And I also want to acknowledge the grief that's involved with being on a self-discovery journey, with being a human, with going through life, with being older than 10 years old, although so many of us go through a lot of grief and trauma before the age of 10. And for that, I'm truly sorry, whatever just came to mind that you've been through.

[00:11:57] But we get to heal that, and we get to release that. Again, we are releasing today, and it feels so good. And I posted some photos in my Instagram and Facebook story last night. I'm getting back into on-camera career and modeling, something that I did for about 10 years when I was a different age, a different size, and found the business to be quite toxic, honestly.

[00:12:19] And it was not good for me. I learned a lot, and I've just been called to explore this and get back into it at this size and this age. I've lost five sizes. I weigh 55 pounds less than I weighed just two summers ago. Two summers ago I was at the heaviest I've ever been in my life because I was recovering from-- ooh, I don't know how I want to say it. Recovering from a con artist. I'll leave it at that. I will leave it at that.

[00:12:57] Some sociopathic, narcissistic conman and a whole host of other things that really disrupted my life in every way, but also changed the trajectory of my life because I chose to use it as a catalyst for great transformation, and have really transformed my inner and outer appearance.

[00:13:15] And for me, it's not about weight. It's about health. And I had put on so much weight, and so now I'm back to the weight, really, I haven't been here since high school. It's the weight that is my natural healthy weight. And I've worked really, really hard to get here. And someone asked me, "How'd you do it?"

[00:13:35] And it's like, "I don't drink anymore. I don't eat-- at least try, it's hard in America, but no seed oils. So you're very limited in what you can eat because they're trying to kill us here. God, it was so nice eating in Europe. And so I've just really cleaned up my diet, and I also don't numb with food anymore and just make healthier choices.

[00:13:56] And because I was in such a low place through this situation, and not just that isolated situation, but everything it brought up literally from my past and so many things and asking myself, how did we even get here? And then having to be open to hearing that answer, which was brutal. And then going down that path step by step and taking on that challenge of a lifetime that I know a lot of people will never do.

[00:14:26] And I don't say that with judgment. I say it with compassion because who wants to do that candidly? But I was just on such a mission because I never wanted to be in that place ever again. And I really committed to that. And so for me, the weight loss is just such a reflection of my inner journey and the inner work.

[00:14:45] And when people ask me how I did it, yes, diet and exercise, of course, plays a huge role. The biggest role in this inner and outer transformation has been healing my trauma, has been looking at the darkness, both within and without myself. Has been just a champion for the truth and really telling the truth.

[00:15:09] So, so much of what I've released is just, when you are the truth, you're living in the truth. You are only available for the truth. A lot of things and people are going to exit your life and quite swiftly, I may add. And it's going to feel like you're maybe making the wrong decision because you're going to sit by yourself and feel like I can't relate to so much of my life.

[00:15:34] So today we are going to release some past versions of ourselves. And I will tell you, not because everything is perfect in my life. Listen, I'm in an Airbnb, and I am in limbo, but a download I got yesterday was, you're not in limbo. You're in your launchpad. And I'm like, I am on my launchpad. I'm ready for takeoff.

[00:15:56] So it is about getting ready. And think of everything that has to take place before a flight can take off safely or a spaceship or anything. So we have to look at ourselves with that same care, actually way more care before we launch into anything. So I am acknowledging the grief, and I'm going to read a few notes and then maybe riff on them.

[00:16:16] I wish that we were all here together so we could have a more collaborative conversation and talk about these things and hear where you are on your journey, and we could all share and ask questions. But of course, you can always reach out to me. And I am in the process of, like I said, an opportunity and something where we can move into more of that format.

[00:16:36] Because I do like things to be interactive and I've grown really tired of the "experts." We're all experts. And as my mentor used to say, the era of data collection is over. It's now like, what are we going to do with the information? How are we going to integrate it consistently and truly embody it?

[00:16:57] And that's how I feel. I've already got three master's degrees. I don't want or need another course. I would love a business partner and someone with an MBA who's very strategic and good at scaling businesses and can take me the visionary and we can all make more money together instead of just doing things for the love of it.

[00:17:17] Oh, I just dropped all my mics there. So if that's you, please reach out to me, and let's do this. Let's impact more people by scaling this. But again, some things are in the works. I'm just letting all my business hang out today. That's what we're doing here.

[00:17:31] So I wrote down in my journal, we're grounding in the frequency of coming home to ourselves. What the heck does that mean? Maybe you're in a season of becoming. Maybe you're like me, and you're in between the old life and the new life, the old identities and the new identity. And for me, I feel like I have really fully stepped into that new identity.

[00:17:51] And the things that go along with that identity, many and most of them have not shown up in the physical yet. So that has been a source of frustration, but it has also forced me to trust and surrender even more. And if I hear my coach tell me to trust one more time, I'm going to lose it because that's even in my keynote. It's in all my research that confidence actually stems from the words to trust, to do something with trust.

[00:18:15] So I'm all about trust, but at some point, it's like, can someone throw me a bone? And so if you're feeling that, like you've been putting in the work and you're like, where are my results? Where is the ROI? Especially when we've got bills to pay and it's cost $200 to walk down the damn street right now in 2025.

[00:18:34] Why is a salad $25? When I'm in Amsterdam, a fresher, more delicious salad with €6. Anyway, we'll stop there. I'm going to try to stay focused here. That brings me to being adaptable in uncertainty. And sometimes we find ourselves in uncomfortable, uncertain situations. I think that's all of us right now because the world is a mess, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

[00:19:04] We'll get to that. That's one of the things I'm releasing, is pretending that it doesn't hurt when it [Bleep] hurts. It hurts. It hurts. The reality of life right now hurts. But we are solution-oriented here, so we do stuff about it. This Airbnb, and maybe you can see the fan behind me, I have, I feel like, 15 fans going in here. I bought an air conditioner that I somehow installed myself. I think that's living alone for so many years.

[00:19:35] You learn how to get [Bleep] done at midnight when nobody's here and nobody cares, and you're hot as hell, and you're sweating because this wildly expensive Airbnb does not have air conditioning. I'm close to the ocean, I get it. But it's very hot and stuffy in here, and homegirl needs her beauty rest.

[00:19:51] So we sometimes install air conditioners ourselves at midnight when we're sweating. But we get it done, and it's an act of adaptability and asking ourselves, how can we adapt to this situation? And I will say, the day I moved in here, I cried. I sobbed actually because it was so hot, and it was not cleaned properly.

[00:20:11] There was some disco tech party going on next door-- like New York City Meatpacking district club level music from when I checked in at 3:00 PM until, I don't know, 10:00 PM. And this was fresh back from my European glow, and I was like, "What am I doing? And this sucks."

[00:20:35] And now I will say, I have really adapted into loving this place. Not because it's perfect, not because it's comfortable, but it's who I've become in this space. And it's someone who has let go of needing things, I will say, to be "perfect." No such thing. But I'm particular and proud.

[00:20:57] Some people might call me a perfectionist. I just say I have a spirit of excellence, and I'm not available for mediocrity. And so I'm not going to feel bad about that. And if you want to be mediocre, that's on you. I do not want to be. I also feel like I'm at a stage in my life I feel like Parker Posey's character from White Lotus, where she says something to the effect of, at this point in my life, I'm not meant to live an uncomfortable life.

[00:21:23] And I agree, Parker Posey, I am not meant to live an uncomfortable life. I want my American air conditioning. I do. I do. I want it really cold in my home. Anyway, moving on, so we're embracing imperfect conditions. I just wrote down who we become in uncomfortable environments and conditions.

[00:21:43] Really making note who you become when things aren't going your way, when nothing is certain, when the cards seem to be stacked against you, even though you know they're not. I think there's this beautiful season of becoming. If you're in this season, I, again, acknowledge how painful it can be, but I honor you for taking on this work and this journey.

[00:22:09] Maybe you were thrust into it without warning, against your will, whether you lost a job or your marriage blew up or whatever it is. I want to acknowledge the devastation, but also the beauty in the devastation. And the poem that kept coming to me yesterday when I was walking around is by Rumi, and I believe it's called The Guest House.

[00:22:30] And again, I'm paraphrasing, but he talks about how even if-- this is making me emotional. Oh, big surprise. Something to the extent of, even if the natural disaster comes in and completely takes out your home and everything in it-- which is devastating. Getting triggered by the fires and everything that happened here. Maybe you're being cleared out for a new delight. I love that. It's one of my favorite poems.

[00:23:00] And so I feel like I am in a season where I have been cleared out for a new delight. I feel like I've outgrown everything, everything, and nearly everyone. And it's painful. Because when you outgrow people or they outgrow you, no one's bad. Some people are bad. But it's not because people are bad.

[00:23:23] It's not because someone's better or worse. It's just you're out of alignment. And it's painful to be out of alignment with people that you love, some that you've known a long time. But I think if we're honest with ourselves, we were never truly in alignment with these people, at least our true selves.

[00:23:46] Our true self was never in alignment with that person. The part of us who didn't love ourselves was in alignment with them. The part of us who played small, the part of us who didn't fully love or appreciate ourselves, the part of us who thought we had to cater to everyone else's needs while ignoring our own. I think these lesser versions of ourselves. And it's not our fault.

[00:24:11] It's the product of living in this world and being raised by imperfect people and taught by imperfect people and having to navigate uncomfortable situations frequently. And there are people who have been through way, way, way worse things than I have ever been through, and I acknowledge that, and I honor them.

[00:24:32] I'm in Venice, and I'm surrounded by a lot of people living on the street outside of $8 million homes. It's jarring. Just like when I lived in Washington, DC. I'd walk out of my place, and there was a park full of homeless people two blocks from the White House. It was like George W. Bush and a hundred homeless people.

[00:24:54] It was so jarring. And in between those two, it was a bunch of men with machine guns protecting the treasury building. That was my walk to the newsroom every day. I don't have the words. I didn't become desensitized to that fact.

[00:25:14] I think that's why I love being a journalist so much and still love telling stories, is because what's going on there? And let's explore that rather than sweep it under the rug. Ooh. So I'm finding what I'm doing here is, without looking at my notes, I'm just talking about the things that are in my notes, which is really cool. See?

[00:25:39] Anyway, I wrote down grief as rebirth. Labor pains. For those of you who are mothers, you are my personal hero, hardest job in the world. I almost said, worst job in the world, and I didn't mean it like that. Oh my gosh. My mom's like, "Yeah, it is." No, just kidding. Hi, mom. Hardest job in the world.

[00:25:58] I am in awe by how many people voluntarily sign up for the hardest job in the world. But that's what's been coming through for me lately too. It's these labor pains. But then if you really, really, really want to be a mother, everybody talks about how it's worth it or you forget about that pain once you have your beautiful child there with you in the miracle of life.

[00:26:18] So mothers will understand that. And for those of us who have tears and cry-- for me, lately, 99% of the tears I cry, it's not boohoo. I'm okay. It is this ceremony of release. And I wrote down, your tears are carrying every misalignment out of your body. You're mourning the end of a relationship.

[00:26:44] You're mourning the person who will not acknowledge you, but smiles in your face and calls you a friend. You're mourning whatever just came to mind for you. And this whole notion that crying is weak, or you don't cry in public, or you're so emotional or too sensitive is such rubbish.

[00:27:02] And if you look at crying as a healing modality, you look at it as something that's as important as going to the gym and eating nutritious food, you have to release these emotions out of your body. That's how people get disease and cancer. And you see so many people at every age, but I'm starting to see it-- I'm in my 40s-- people my age, and they have this chronic pain.

[00:27:25] And it's emotions trapped in our bodies. And it's our unwillingness to feel our feelings and come to terms with things that we've been through. Talk about it. And I'm telling you, I get that it's painful. I get that you're going to have to accept some really uncomfortable truth about yourself and others in the world, but at what cost?

[00:27:46] I see people younger than me and the health problems that they're dealing with. And my own. That's why I chose to go on this really deep journey too. I was in the hospital three times in a year, the emergency room-- was cellulitis attacking my face. And I know when I'm out of alignment with people or my life because I get psoriasis outbreaks.

[00:28:06] And it's not like, oh, this is so annoying. Why do I have this? It's like your body is so wise and it's always communicating to us. And so now I'm just like, I'm not trying to go back to the hospital. And now with insurance and stuff too, sometimes it's just like, I'm not trying to pay $2,000 to go get some antibiotics or whatever happens there. Food for thought.

[00:28:34] So now that hopefully we've cleared out some or we've set up, I'm just riffing here. And thank you for being open to this and coming along on this journey with me because it's just a stream of consciousness here, and I'm so passionate about this topic, and I just hit Record, and here we are.

[00:28:56] But I wrote down 20 releases, and these are the practices that I'm offering you as invitations. Not you should not, not you have to. I don't want this to be all these steps to manifest this or you're not going to have the dream partner unless you do this. I find that so harmful, and it's more of, so many people are like, "Oh, how'd you do this thing?" Or, "What worked for you?"

[00:29:22] And I probably should l have this monetized in some way, but I just want to offer it to you as a friend and a partner. And I appreciate you being on this journey with me. And I'd like more of us to be having these types of discussions just really candidly because it's lonely out there. I don't want to answer what I do for work anymore.

[00:29:45] I said to some woman yesterday at a restaurant-- she was talking me up, and I appreciated it. And then she was just all like, "What do you do? What do you do?" And I just said, "I really don't want to talk about work right now, but thank you for asking." And left it at that.

[00:30:00] We're releasing, keeping other people comfortable while making ourselves wildly uncomfortable. I don't know if that's on my list, but we're definitely releasing that. So the first thing I wrote down was we're releasing every false identity we've ever worn, every false identity we've ever worn.

[00:30:21] Again, maybe people pleaser, putting everybody else's needs ahead of ourselves. For me, it's been a lot of dumbing it down and toning it down, and again, making myself mediocre to people so that they don't feel bad about themselves. And it's like, why don't you raise your game to be better? Why do I have to accept this [Bleep] work or you not caring? Why?

[00:30:50] Why don't you rise? Because that's what I want out of me. Like my swim coach, when I was a 13, 14-year-old girl, put me in a lane with 18-year-old boys or men. Not because he was punishing me or didn't like me, because he believed in me and is like, "You're going to get better, stronger, faster training with people, better, stronger, faster than you."

[00:31:13] It's a reward. Rise to the occasion. And I did. Can you imagine? I want to train with 13-year-old girls who I beat by 10 seconds in every race. Where is that going to get me? I'm going to feel like, ooh, I'm so much faster than these people. How's that going to make me better? Oof. See, I'm going off on all these riffs, false identities.

[00:31:35] I think as a woman, it is definitely putting others' needs before our own. So we have a meltdown or crash out. I've had a lot of the not owning my brilliance or greatness because it seems to make people uncomfortable. People get really mad when you're more than one thing. So for instance, if people deem you attractive, you're not allowed to be really smart too.

[00:31:57] They don't like that. I once had a woman at QVC in the Green Room say to me, "You're the full package." And at the time I was, again, working as among other things, a TV presenter and other things, was a "plus-size model," which is size six and up in the fashion industry. Which people get pissed about that too. Because they're like, "Oh, how cute. You're a plus size model." I'm like, "Yeah, you'd be a plus size model too."

[00:32:21] And then they don't like that. It's like, so it's fine for me to be "the big girl," but if you fall into that category, it's no longer cool. But this woman said to me, I'll never forget, she said, "Don't ever get skinny; then people will really hate you." That stung.

[00:32:39] And it's like, am I more relatable or you don't hate me because I'm overweight or I'm a bigger person? But if I was thin, which everyone, I guess, is obsessed with thinness, especially in this country, I guess the world, especially women, which I think it's a control tactic, and it's brainwashing and a misogynistic society.

[00:32:59] It's a way to control women. You have to be skinny or you're not worthy. That's the narrative. Who takes that toxic thought pattern on? All of us. So those identities of keeping ourselves stuck and small for the comfort of others, that's a big one. And I'm still releasing it because when you really own your power, a lot less people around you.

[00:33:27] Did I just say the quiet part out loud? I think I did. When you own your power, when you finally know that you're a phenomenal person, a lot less people around you. Maybe that's why so many people don't want to do the work. They don't want to be alone. A lot of people are not good at being alone.

[00:33:47] For better or worse, I've mastered it. It's just been part of my journey. It's been a painful part of my journey at times. I look around and I'm like, "I don't understand why the one person I wanted to marry died by [Bleep]. Again, our tears are healthy. We're releasing. Life can be painful. We need to acknowledge that.

[00:34:11] So number two, I have no shame in crying publicly or privately, and it just shows me how much I care and how much I love and how deeply I feel everything, which feels like a curse, more than a gift most of the time. But you have to get it out. You got to get it out. And there's layers and layers and layers of pain that needs to be released.

[00:34:40] And it really is the cost of admission to a fulfilling life. And it's the price you pay for loving really deeply. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. What's the alternative? Not feeling anything? When I feel joy, I really feel it, and I'm here for that. So number two on our release is the illusion of belonging in places we've outgrown. How's your marriage doing?

[00:35:07] How's your home life? How's the city you're living in, the state, the country? How's the job environment? How honest are we being with ourselves about places we've outgrown? And I know it'll be a big disruption to change, but what's the cost? I'm going to leave that there, but please ask yourself these questions.

[00:35:34] There's a lot of lies and illusions that we accept and we tell ourselves in the name of not being uncomfortable, not hurting somebody else's feelings, not disrupting the system, not disrupting the family dynamic, not loving ourselves. Mm. That's sad. Everything I'm saying I've experienced, and I've been there.

[00:35:54] So we're releasing all the judgment around all of this. It's part of the human experience. I just want us to be honest with ourselves. I don't know your exact story, your journey, where you are, but I'm offering you the ceremony of release. You deserve it.

[00:36:13] Number three, the need for their approval to feel worthy. Ooh, something that's been coming through for me recently is that when I don't have your approval or validation, it's because I don't need it. And what I really need is to approve of and validate myself.

[00:36:38] And I've reached this point in my journey where I'm feeling less and less approval and validation, at least verbally spoken or acknowledged. And so while that sometimes breaks my heart, and it's hard because we all want to feel acknowledged, especially when we're pouring our whole heart, soul, and every dollar and our bank account into our mission, we want to feel that the work we're doing matters.

[00:37:08] But what I'm learning is that that's on me, and I have to believe in myself and what I'm doing so much that I am able, not just willing, but able to do it when no one's saying anything, when it seems that nobody cares. And I know that that's not inherently true, but for me it is then a practice.

[00:37:40] And again, I consider myself an advanced student. I've been at this for a while, and I'm deeply, deeply committed. Not because I'm the best, but because I'm committed. I'm committed. And my lesson in this season is you have to validate yourself. You have to do it without any applause.

[00:38:06] And if you are able to do that, we will give you-- by we, God's spirit, universe. I believe in God. God to me is love. I feel that they're asking me. They believe in me. Again, I look at universe, God. My swim coach, Larry Lyons, my one from high school especially believed in me. And he would push me and he would ask of things of me that he wouldn't ask of other swimmers because he believed in me and my talent.

[00:38:37] So if you're able to do the thing, whatever your thing is, without any external validation, reward, immediate ROI in silence. I promise you, I feel it. And I haven't gotten mine yet. Maybe by the time this airs, I will. You will be showered with so much because you will have become the person who can handle huge amounts of success.

[00:39:08] You will be the person who can handle being put on a global stage with lots of eyeballs, with lots of money, with lots of people depending on your performance and vision and talent for their livelihood, for their corporation. So that's a big thing to hold. And I think a lot of people in those positions, a lot of celebrities get a bad rap, and some of them are just thrust into super stardom. And I'm just using them as a big example.

[00:39:39] And you see it time and time again. So many of my favorite stars just came to mind, and a lot of them are thrust in as children, and they don't have a good support system with their families, and you see them lose it all, become drug addicts. And so I think if we really want to have that sustainability in terms of fulfillment and success, however you define success, you got to go through some of this bootcamp so that you can actually enjoy it when you get there, whatever you're looking to do, and that you don't have to numb and suppress and kill yourself to handle what's going on.

[00:40:15] Number four, emotional abandonment patterns. Ooh, we are releasing-- wow. Staying around situations, relationships where our needs are not met, and we suffer so well that it becomes our identity. The person who can suffer so well. We become the victim. We become the doormat. We become whatever they want us to be so that we are not alone, as if being alone is some terrible thing.

[00:40:59] I think being alone is pretty beautiful, especially if you're in the company of people who do not honor you. So I'm going to leave that there. Number five, performing peace to keep the world comfortable. Ooh. Pretending everything is great. There's someone in my life who'll say, "Hey, how you doing?" "Great. Everything's great." "Oh, really? Say more about that."

[00:41:34] Performing peace to keep the world comfortable. Don't speak up. Don't speak out. Don't speak the truth. People don't like that. Pretend that they're doing a great job when they're not. Pretend you're in love with this person when you're not. Pretend it's okay that you're being mistreated.

[00:42:06] Hope everyone's taking some deep breaths. And thank you for doing this. You can pause. You can revisit this, but let's keep going. We're at number six. There's 20, by the way. I think I've said that, and I'll try to get through these. I'm already at 44 minutes recording. Okay. This is good. Okay.

[00:42:24] Oh, this one, it just sounds icky to even say it. The pattern of nice girl loyalty. Do you know how many nice girls have been wildly dismissive to me in the name of being nice? They're being "nice" while they completely disregard what I just said. While I say I'm really having a rough time, and they say, "Oh, just let it go. I'm a coach. Just block out the noise."

[00:42:58] They were being nice when they were dismissive. And then in the past, so I didn't be perceived as a [Bleep], I would smile and, "Oh, thank you." I don't do that anymore. I don't do that anymore. When the guy at the health spa puts the IV in me and he totally effs up and can't find my vein, and I'm in severe pain, and I'm traumatized, I don't coddle his feelings and tell him he's so great anymore.

[00:43:27] And, oh, don't worry about it, so that he doesn't feel uncomfortable when he should feel very uncomfortable totally effing up a patient's arm. I know it was an accident. I know he didn't mean it, but you could have caused serious harm, and I'm not going to coddle your feelings because you feel bad about yourself for making a big error.

[00:43:47] You can own the error that you're making while apologizing to me. I still thought a little "bad" for not kissing his butt while he was causing me physical pain and harm. But it was also a big step in me that I said, "Is there somebody else here? I'm not doing this anymore. Can somebody else please help me?"

[00:44:07] That was a big step for me. It sounds little, but instead of being like, "Oh, it's okay." Or, "I'm in severe pain because of your incompetence, but oh, you're so cute and sweet and thank you so much. I don't want to make you feel worse about yourself." How about I care about my feelings and how I feel that I'm in pain and I'm really worried that you're going to cause damage to my body. So can you please go get someone else to administer this IV? Thank you.

[00:44:33] And it ended up working out. I ended up getting a free upgrade, and people were very nice, and the person who came to step in was excellent. So anyway, nice girl loyalty. Number seven, the idea that I am too much or not enough. We're releasing that. That's a big thing for women. I don't think men think about this as much. I could be wrong. Men, you can weigh in.

[00:45:03] Yeah, men at work where you're maybe in a more junior position, but you're more competent than the CEO and you have to tone it down so you don't get fired. I feel like they fire a lot of really strong talent in corporate. You're pissing people off. You're threatening them with your excellence. Get out of here. Get out of here. So hope you can start your own business.

[00:45:26] But yeah, we go back and forth between sometimes we feel too much and then other times we feel not enough. Even me, I catch myself in moments of why aren't you doing more? Why don't you have more money? Why don't you sell your soul? I'm in the land. I'm like, "I could be rock. I could be like chilling on a yacht right now. Why did I not sell my soul?" I should have sold my soul. I don't mean that, clearly.

[00:45:55] As my friend said, you still have time. Why don't you sell your soul doing all these things that we can monetize and get all the clicks and do the trendy content to blow up a lot faster? I can't do it. And sometimes I wish I could. I feel like my integrity holds me back or it takes much longer. Sometimes when you do things with a pure heart, it's like a bummer, but all right.

[00:46:27] That idea that I'm not enough or too much, releasing that. Number eight, timelines that were never mine to live. Marriage and kids at a certain age. Look what I'm doing to myself. I'm a certain age, I should have more money in the bank. I have everything I need, and the ability, the work ethic, the talent, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to buy the 7-million-dollar place down the street. Why can't I do that? And I do. I judge and beat myself up. I do.

[00:47:02] We're the product of our environments. I live in expensive places. I love nice things. I love being comfortable. I'm willing to put in the work to have all these things. And it's not about a 7-million-dollar house. It's about comfort. But that's why this is a good practice for me, being in a temporary apartment, where I get to feel at home and make my space comfortable regardless of where I am.

[00:47:28] So what's a timeline that you have held yourself to that was never meant for you? I'm so curious. And how can you release that? For me, I hear you are exactly where you're meant to be. I go back to honoring my own unique journey. I don't know why emotions come up. I think because this work is hard. You have to really acknowledge reality, which our culture is not good at.

[00:48:05] All of these billion-dollar businesses are essentially to avoid reality and make it normal. Buying children and having sex with them is normal for people in the world. Think about that. Think about that. That's what we've normalized. Biggest industry in the world, child, human sex trafficking.

[00:48:33] Let's move on. The addiction to struggle as proof of worth. I got to say that again. The addiction to struggle or struggling as proof of worth. I have to work 20 hours a day and annihilate myself to prove to myself, my parents, my neighbor, my friends, that I'm a hard worker and I deserve this thing that you're going to be jealous of, because I have struggled.

[00:49:05] That becomes an identity of someone that's, I've struggled for it. And I've been guilty of that. Like, oh, I've been through this. Or I hear all the time, I've been through so much. And I want to acknowledge that we've all been through so much, people in varying degrees. And it's not a competition. I don't want to minimize or maximize anyone's experience, but there is this identity that I think some of us hold onto of struggling.

[00:49:29] I've struggled, and I've worked so hard, and so that's a proof of that I'm worthy. So releasing that. How about I just get to have it because I do? I'm worthy of the house of my dreams, the marriage of my dreams, the friends of my dreams, the clothes of my dreams, the vacation of my dreams, because I am. I don't have to struggle for that to prove to you, like, yeah, I'm on this fancy Italian vacation on my yacht, but I've struggled to get here.

[00:49:56] I had the bad childhood, which I'm not saying I did. I'm just saying, people. I went through this, that, and the other. I deserve to be on my yacht. Screw you. Yeah, we're releasing that. Okay, number 10, the performance of humility to appease the small-minded. Ooh, I'm saying the silent part out loud again.

[00:50:20] The performance of humility to appease the small-minded. Again, we're dumbing ourselves down. We're toning it down to make them comfortable while we're uncomfortable. Why do we have to do that? Pretend we're not that great because these people feel like [Bleep] about themselves. What the hell even is that? And if you are on a higher path and journey, the small-minded people are not your people. Not your people, not your people.

[00:50:49] When you post the devastation in Malibu six months later after the fires and people are saying like, "Well, where was the water? And your government sucks." Make it a Republican Democrat thing, that people lost everything. Not your people. Maybe those are your people.

[00:51:08] They're not my people. Block, mute, delete. The end. The end. So my coach is like, "You need to post on social media more." I'm like, "Most people there are not my people." And I know I'm not for everybody. And that's something, when my book came out four years ago, I really was like, "This book's for everybody. It's a life resource tool for everybody."

[00:51:31] And in some ways it is. And I'm realizing now I was really, really holding back. I was very vulnerable. I put it all out there. But I was also holding back because I wanted to appeal to the masses. I'd still love to appeal to the masses, but what I'm doing here, I don't think it appeals to the masses. I don't. I think people would rather do anything than feel their feelings, have a deep talk or discussion.

[00:51:58] Did we get this point? Is everyone thinking about this? Okay. Moving on to number 11, the fantasy that they'll understand me one day. Hmm. The fantasy that they'll understand me one day. Hmm. We really want people, especially our family members, to understand us. We really want everyone to understand us. Feels good to be understood.

[00:52:30] Some people are never going to understand you, your desires, your journey, your mission, but it's too different from what they're doing. So I think in embracing our understanding of ourselves and being okay with some people never getting it or understanding.

[00:52:50] Yeah, it is an illusion, and it's something to release rather than hold on to, because then it's like-- I just heard my guest, Essence, say it's like holding a gun to someone's head and expecting them to behave in a certain way so that you'll be okay. So releasing that fantasy.

[00:53:12] Number 12, the discomfort of becoming someone they no longer recognize. Woo. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Sometimes people don't even have the words for your transformation, your glow up, your unwillingness to conform.

[00:53:31] You have self-esteem now. People don't know what to do with that because you can't be controlled or manipulated anymore. So you're going to make people uncomfortable. They don't like that. They don't like that. And their unwillingness to grow is going to be really upset with your commitment to growth.

[00:53:50] So it will be uncomfortable, and people may acknowledge the transformation. I had my friend, Jonathan, yesterday send me the nicest note when I posted this picture. And he just said, "Wow, your transformation is extraordinary." And I know he wasn't just talking about my appearance. He was talking about my essence, my confidence, my peace, my joy, my inner glow, my inner glow.

[00:54:21] And I appreciated him calling it out. And you notice some of the others who don't, but if they're not acknowledging you, it's because you don't need their acknowledgement. Number 13, the fear of eclipsing others with our light. That's why I personally dimmed for so long, because I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be accepted.

[00:54:51] I thought my purpose was just to be your cheerleader and gas you up. And that's been a thing of mine up until very recently. And it's one of my favorite pass times, being a cheerleader. But if I never get that back from you and you can't even acknowledge even that I'm a great cheerleader, which is still all about you, then I'm not going to participate in that dynamic anymore. It's too exhausting, and I've worked too hard, and there has to be reciprocation.

[00:55:27] Number 14, the idea that we still have to earn what's already ours. I spoke about this a little bit in the beginning. It's, again, this, our culture here, especially in America, of the work, work, work, and you have to earn the day off. You have to earn rest. You have to earn a million dollars. You have to earn their respect. No, no. It really is already ours.

[00:55:55] If you look at, even, I believe it was David, the Michelangelo's David sculpture, and again, I'm totally paraphrasing, but when I heard this story, I will never forget it because it wasn't him. He didn't create David in his mind. He said that he just chipped away all the excess marble.

[00:56:20] Basically, David was already there. David was created. He just had to chip away all the excess marble. Does that make sense? So it's like you already are that person. You just have to get rid of the people who tell you you aren't or don't see it, the stuff that holds you back from achieving it, the bad habits, the stuff we're releasing now. Does that make sense?

[00:56:44] Because it's really powerful, and we're talking about one of the greatest artist creators of all time. And it was like, it wasn't so much creating David, it was just removing everything that wasn't David. And there you had him. But he was always there. So beautiful.

[00:56:59] Number 15, the compulsion to protect others from the consequences of their own choices and the energetic depth of protecting people who refuse to protect themselves. So I think we're speaking to family dynamics, marriages, parents, children, people that we have strong connections with.

[00:57:21] And I used to take on other people's shame. If a man would mistreat me, I would somehow internalize the shame of him mistreating me. And so I think also we want to control-- people. I think we want to control the most our partners, romantic partners, our children, our parents.

[00:57:42] And if they could just be this certain way or-- and I am guilty of this. That's why I tell my list. That's why it was a channel download. That's why we're talking about it. When you are doing something and it's working for you, whether it's something health and wellness related, any of this, you want people to do it too.

[00:58:01] A, so it benefits them, but also it benefits your relationship. And it's really hard to also watch loved ones be mistreated by their loved ones. It's hard to watch people we care about make decisions that not only dramatically impact them for the worse, but then therefore dramatically impact you for the worse.

[00:58:20] Because your relationship changes. You may not have a relationship, be able to have one. You may not respect them anymore. You may not be willing to go against your truth to have a superficial relationship with them. So this has been a more recent thing for me, and I don't pretend to be a master at it, but I will say, and it's painful because I'm like, "Wow."

[00:58:44] So then the solution to that, at least for me right now is either no contact or just letting people be who they are and have their life and make their choices, even though you see how it's killing them and not stepping in as referee. If people want our help, they will ask.

[00:59:04] And when they're not asking, it's because acknowledging the truth and needing your help would mean they would have to blow up their lives in some way and face some truths that they are not ready for now or maybe ever. And we have to accept that as loved ones. And it's devastating, especially when children are involved, especially when you love these people with all your heart and you want to see them do well because they deserve it.

[00:59:34] Like we said, it's their birthright. And when they've chosen to not stick up for themselves and their wellbeing, it's devastating. It's devastating. That goes into number 16, the belief that family dysfunction must be tolerated to stay loyal. No, ma'am. No, sir. Dysfunction must be tolerated to stay loyal. No, the buck stops here. We're ending the ancestral trauma.

[01:00:01] We're ending generational trauma. We are healing, and my healing impacts every ancestor after me. I don't want children. I'm not having children. So I don't have kids that are directly impacted, but there's other family history and blood, and my denial of the dysfunction to stay loyal is enough.

[01:00:24] Again, you may be disliked. You may be the villain. People are going to talk about you. They're going to gossip about you. They're going to judge you. They're not going to like you perhaps. Do you like you? Do you like you? Can you sleep at night? A lot of these are just episodes themselves, and there's a lot to unpack here. So thanks for sticking with me and revisiting this because these are all big things to explore.

[01:00:58] But I think it's worthwhile. I really do. And you've go support. You've got people who care, who will listen, and there's a lot of great professionals out there to help you navigate this. Number 17, inherited silence. Sweeping things under the rug. We don't talk about that. Why are we shaming people?

[01:01:24] Why are we pretending the relative who had an abortion didn't have an abortion? Why are we lying about the person who's in rehab not admitting that they're a drug addict, they're an alcoholic? And we're going to shame them by lying about it. We're not going to talk about the relative who's mistreating the children. It's too uncomfortable. It's a bad look. It's a bad look.

[01:01:54] Why are we not speaking up about global issues, national issues? Maybe it's not directly impacting you, but you don't care that your neighbor is being dehumanized and terrorized and traumatized because of their ethnic background or skin color or gender or sexual orientation. You don't care that the guy who makes your smoothie every day as being locked up for being Mexican?

[01:02:24] I'm just asking. I'm just asking. What if it were you? What if it were your dad? What if your kids were terrified? I'm just asking. Number 18, the role of the emotional translator and any dynamic that refuses to speak the truth. I feel like the emotional translator, which also gets you labeled the bad guy.

[01:02:57] When you speak up and out on behalf of someone who maybe doesn't have a voice or doesn't have the privileges you have, how dare you? We're releasing that. We're releasing the role of the emotional translator who gets labeled, the bad guy. Call me what you want. It's really just your own projection. Call me what you want. If I see people being mistreated, I'm going to speak up.

[01:03:20] Again. I could go on and on, but we'll leave some of these there. Number 19, we're almost at the end here. We're going to wrap up our release ceremony. How's everybody doing? Okay, number 19, the illusion that being the "strong one" means being available to pain at all times.

[01:03:40] God, that just sounds horrible to say out loud. The illusion that being the strong one means being available to pain at all times. I see this again and again, and I'm sorry, it's a lot of the times a woman, but men too. It's not a gender issue. But enough with being the strong one and people thinking that you can just take punch after punch after punch. No, you can be strong and walk away.

[01:04:03] You can be strong and be loved and cared for and respected. But first, we have to extend that to ourselves, so then we are no longer a vibrational match for mistreatment. We get to be strong and soft. We get to be strong and live a life of ease and flow. It's a choice. So we're going to release the pain and being the punching bag.

[01:04:34] And number 20-- we made it-- the lie that love and self-abandonment are the same thing. How many times I'll say I have completely abandoned myself in the name of love? You can see there's even a throat chakra blockage there just saying it because that's not truth there.

[01:04:57] The times that we have abandoned ourselves to make peace, to keep some sort of relationship going, and calling that love. Again, I could riff on and on about these, but I'd rather that you let that sink in, the lie that love and self-abandonment are the same thing.

[01:05:17] I'd like us to affirm together, I release what was never mine. I remember what always has been, and I rise not to prove anything, but to take my rightful place. Hmm. I rise not to prove anything, but to take my rightful place. You've earned it. You've owned it, not because of what you did, but because of who you are.

[01:05:47] And then I wrote down, this is for anyone who's been quietly holding the weight of who they are no longer meant to be. This is for anyone who's been quietly holding the weight of who they're no longer meant to be. Who are you no longer meant to be? What are you no longer willing to carry in the name of love, in the name of helping others, in the name of being a good person, or a nice girl, or a nice boy?

[01:06:20] What are you willing to release? This is your time. This is your ceremony. It's all I've got. I know it was a lot, but I'm going to release the notion that it was too much or that I'm not enough because I can't physically see that you got something from this. I can't watch you do the reps.

[01:06:41] I can't be offended or take it personally or consider myself not enough because you didn't get something specific out of this episode, this conversation, these releases, this ceremony, this truth, my truth. So I'd love for you to just be able to sit with the truth, not just for a moment today, but for a couple of moments, even if we start at two minutes, a couple of moments every day.

[01:07:11] Really sitting with yourself, sitting with the truth, and asking yourself what you're willing and able to release. And write it down. The notebook is notebooking. The journal is journaling. It feels so good to get it out of our body. And that's the "weight loss secret" nobody ever talks about is releasing this stuff from your body.

[01:07:38] The hurts, the resentments, the judgments, the confusion, the notion that we can't have the life we want for whatever reason. The notion that we can't be at peace until they're at peace. We can't move on until they've offered us an apology or closure. Whatever the thing is, I know it's uncomfortable, but so rewarding to get in touch with ourselves and our truth and to truly connect with ourselves.

[01:08:16] And can you imagine how different the world would be if we were having these kind of conversations? They'd be different. Maybe you wouldn't like it, but something tells me you would like it because you're here. And I appreciate you being here so much. It really does mean the world to me.

[01:08:36] Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Please send me a note. Please reach out with any questions or revelations or releases of your own. I'd love to hear from you. I'm rooting you on, and I honor you because I know it's hard to be a human. And you're doing a great job, and I'm just really proud of you. Let's keep going together, one courageous conversation at a time. We've got this. I'll see you next week right here on Rawish. Bye, everybody.