The Wisdom of a 3X World Series Champion

[00:00:00] Todd: I get home about a week later after the World Series, I look in the mirror, and I can't stand the person looking back at me. Matter of fact, I hate the person. I despise the person. And there's a reason that on the outside I looked good. On the inside, I was dark and broken.

[00:00:20] At 15, what my parents are telling me, what that doctor's telling me, my marrow just killed my little brother, and I played the killer. Failure is the multivitamin of success you have to take every single day. And without it, you can't have the success. Let's say God's going to bless me to live to 100. I only got 40 more summers, 40 more Christmas, 40 more Thanksgivings. That's it. 40 more. The question is, what am I going to do with them?

[00:01:07] Kate: Hey, there. Welcome back to Rawish with Kate Eckman. I got another great episode for you here today. I love talking to people who have been through some of the greatest successes known to man, but also have dealt with their fair share of setbacks. And so here to be raw and real with us today is two-time World Series champion Todd Stoltlemyre. Todd, welcome to Rawish.

[00:01:33] Todd: Thank you, Kate. Appreciate it. Honored, humbled to be here, and look forward to hopefully sharing and being able to offer some value to all of your listeners.

[00:01:44] Kate: I know you will do that because besides experiencing so much success as an athlete, you were successful in transitioning into business and have done so much, written incredible books, have invested, have helped people and their business. We'll talk more about that.

[00:02:00] But I know that you're also willing to share maybe not all the glitz and glamor and all of the World Series champion fame and fortune that goes along with that and really talk about what it means to be a human in the midst of our greatest successes and failures.

[00:02:16] So I guess, what is a lesson that you've learned over the course of your life that has really kept you going through it all? Because I've met people who have experienced so much success and they still aren't happy or fulfilled or struggle personally. So I'd love to hear your experience.

[00:02:36] Todd: Yeah. So I believe that for me personally, my mess has become my message. And at the same time, I also believe that all the things that we do go through in life are actually for us. They're not against us. And it's hard. And especially when life can throw you some circumstances that you were never counting on, you didn't expect, you can't believe now that you're having to deal with this, you can get into the why me syndrome so fast, it's not even funny.

[00:03:12] Or how did this happen? How come I'm going through this? You can go into playing victim to those current circumstances. And the opposite of playing victim to the current circumstances is saying, not so much why is this happening? But this is happening for me, so what can I do now about this in this very moment?

[00:03:33] Because many times, while we're going through a set of circumstances, we don't know why. Sometimes we don't even figure it out until years, sometimes, later. And then you get to years outside of those circumstances and you look back and you go, "Thank God I went through that." Because of that, now this is who I became, or this is what I'm achieving today, or this is the way I think, or these are the people I'm helping.

[00:04:02] But while you're going in it, you're not thanking God. You're praying to God, please get me out of this. And it's terrible. No one loves going through it, but once again, when you get outside of it, it's funny how grateful you are that you went through it.

[00:04:18] Kate: Yeah.

[00:04:18] Todd: So in my personal life, I was blessed, and I have tremendous, amazing parents, my mother and father. My father has gone on to heaven. He passed in 2019. But man, I have the greatest parents in the world. And you don't get to pick your parents.

[00:04:36] But if I had a choice, I would've picked my mom and dad all day long. But we don't get a choice who our parents are. But I was blessed, and my father was a legendary pitcher for the New York Yankees. And so when I was a little kid and growing up, I went to Yankee Stadium, and Yankee Stadium was the playground of my brothers and I. And Monument Park was not Monument Park to us as, four or five, 6-year-old kids running around. It was monkey bars. It was our playground.

[00:05:05] And we went to the stadium every day and I wore my little Yankee uniform, and my dad had his, of course. And it was incredible. But when I was growing up in that place, I was also inspired. And the inspiration was I wanted to follow my father's footsteps. I wanted to play Major League baseball. And all of his friends and teammates, we inherited also as friends of the family.

[00:05:28] So I'm in an environment where literally everyone that had a goal achieved it, their greatest goal. Because they were all playing major League baseball, and it was pretty crazy. And at the time, running around, I was like, "If they can do it, I can do it. Why not me?" And then that dream began to grow and then high school and college.

[00:05:51] And then the day came where I was drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays in the first round. And here we are. And then two years later, I make it to Major League Baseball and then I go through some ups and downs. You make the team. You spend a couple months there. They send you back to the minor leagues.

[00:06:08] It's never fun. But it's part of the battle scars of getting to where you want to go. But what was really interesting was in 1993, we just won our second world championship. We won in '92. And then we won back-to-back. We won again in '93. And I guess if you didn't know me and you looked at my life from afar, you would say, "Wow, the guy has a legendary father in the game."

[00:06:33] He is a five-time all-star. He was a three-time 20-game winner as a pitcher. He is a five-time world champion as a coach. He grew up in Yankee Stadium. He lived out his childhood dream. He's now making millions of dollars. He's 28 years old, and he is a two-time world champion. Geez. The problem is, I get home, back home about a week later after the World Series, I look in the mirror, and I can't stand the person looking back at me.

[00:07:03] Matter of fact, I hate the person. I despise the person. And there's a reason that on the outside I looked good. On the inside, I was dark and broken. And I was dark and broken because 12 years prior to that moment, I had given my little brother-- I was 15 at the time. He was 11.

[00:07:23] I gave him a bone marrow transplant, and it was his third bout of leukemia that started at seven, and now here he is 11, and the doctors deemed it was his only possible way for a long life. I gave him the bone marrow transplant. The bone marrow transplant seemed to work, but ultimately put him into a coma and then ultimately took his life.

[00:07:44] Kate: Oh my God, Todd.

[00:07:48] Todd: In his hospital room, as I stood over his bed and I watched my little brother turn colors, traditional sadness hit our family hard. It took my mom and dad to their knees. It took our family to our knees. So all the success no longer mattered, and all of the success for my father no longer mattered. But as I stood there, I had more than sadness. I had guilt because it was my marrow that his body rejected that ultimately put him into a coma.

[00:08:23] And along with the guilt came anger. I was mad as hell at the world for these circumstances that I not only didn't want, I couldn't understand why was this even happening. Even though the doctors and my parents came to my rescue and they said, "Todd, you did everything you can do. This has nothing to do with you. It's not your fault."

[00:08:44] I was a 15-year-old boy. I have a mind of my own. I don't really care, at 15, what my parents are telling me, what that doctor's telling me. My marrow just killed my little brother, and I played the killer. And I didn't just play it that night. I played and rewind this emotion and these thoughts.

[00:09:07] So if you marry thought and emotion together, that's the person you become if you wire it enough times. I've been wiring this for 12 years prior to staring in the mirror going, I don't-- look, I couldn't love anyone because I hated myself. So I realized at that point I needed help.

[00:09:29] I wanted to help not only on the field but off the field because I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired of landing in the same emotional place. Once again, on the outside, what's the picture look like? Looks great. But what's going on in the inside is I was living in hell.

[00:09:47] So I reached out to Harvey Dorfman, and I was so blessed that he was the guru of Major League baseball for psychology. I booked a two-hour meeting with him that lasted 12 hours, and it was pretty incredible because he broke me down in that 12-hour meeting.

[00:10:03] And I'll never forget, he asked me, he said, "Todd, would you do it again?" I said, "Do what?" And he said, "Would you do that bone marrow transplant with your little brother again?" See, Harvey had done his homework. And I said, "Man, I'd do it every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day for the rest of my life."

[00:10:20] And then he said, "How come?" When he asked me, he said, "Todd, how come?" I didn't have a good answer. I never thought about how come. Then he said, "Didn't you already do everything you could have possibly done?" I said, "I think that's true, Harvey." He says, "Then it's time for you to forgive yourself and it's time for you to let it go."

[00:10:44] And then he followed up with, "You are not God. You don't get the power." I would just say this today to everyone that's listening. What are you going through? Maybe it is time to let it go. Maybe it's time to give it up. Maybe it's time to stop focusing, thinking about something we can no longer do something about.

[00:11:13] So I'm going to put it to you and keep it simple. It doesn't have to be tragedy. It can just be a phone call from yesterday is still bothering you today. It could be the last business meeting. It could be the last family dinner where you got into a scuttle. Whatever it is that you are carrying with you today is blocking the blessing of your greatness today because you're focused on something that you're no longer in control of and can do nothing about.

[00:11:43] But yet it controls us. And the more that we think that thought of something we can't control, the more we become those people. By the way, look at the political scene. The political scene is no longer about two parties. It's about hate.

[00:12:01] Kate: Yeah.

[00:12:02] Todd: And by the way, that same hate over that subject has broken families up. And I'm like, "How do we allow something that we can't control break up our most precious asset, our family?" Makes no sense to me. So to bring it home, I would tell you, it's like whatever we focus on, and when we marry emotions to that focus and we play and rewind it over and over, that's the person and the people we become ultimately.

[00:12:40] The power is we can change it anytime we want. And we can change it through the rewiring process of a different thought and a different focus and a different emotion, and then a different action. And then if we'll repeat that enough times, we can become that. No one ever became an alcoholic by drinking one drink. They repeated that offense over and over and over day after day until they became that.

[00:13:15] By the way, everything good and bad is out of the power of repetition, of thought, of focus and emotion. So the beauty is, no matter where you're at today, you have the power to change. Let me land the plane and hand it back to you, Kate. That's just one simple question.

[00:13:36] Kate: Thank you for so candidly and vulnerably sharing that about your brother. What's his name?

[00:13:42] Todd: Jason.

[00:13:43] Kate: Jason. You have achieved something that 0000.1% of the population ever gets to achieve. And congratulations on that success. What makes you even more successful and impressive to me is going through that which is heartbreaking and tragic and choosing, because it was a choice, to not only achieve great things in your life, but get help.

[00:14:09] And I think especially for men, who y'all can be a little stubborn-- I say that lovingly-- to be man enough and humble enough and successful enough to seek out help and allow this situation to make you better and wiser and stronger, and share your story-- you brought me to tears-- to help us. And that what we see on the outside is rarely a representation of what's going on on the inside.

[00:14:35] Todd: Yeah. It's crazy, and you mentioned it, men, we're so stubborn and stupid. It's like we hide our emotions because we got to be macho and all those things. But man, when you can get vulnerable to your authenticity, it's so powerful. And I always say real men cry anyway.

[00:14:55] So I got five amazing kids-- four daughters, one son. They love to wives dad watch a sad movie and cry like a baby. But it's real. And to hold on, to bury an emotion, and to bury those things and not become vulnerable to your emotions begins to stir the inside.

[00:15:21] By the way, all success is not an outside end game. It's an inside out game. You got to become it before you get to have it. And before you can become it, you have to see it. And before you see it, along with seeing it, you have to think it, and then you have to feel it. And that's all an inside game. And as we become it on the inside, we can achieve it on the outside and not entail.

[00:15:50] And then you have to take actions to that site, to that thought, to that emotion, and then you have to repeat it over and over enough if you care enough about pursuing to be the best in the world at whatever that is. See, I laugh. Look, I played on great baseball teams. I played a long time, 15 seasons, but I was not great. I was the blue-collar average-- probably the average Joe as a starting pitcher.

[00:16:26] Now look, I'm grateful for it, but I didn't pursue average. I pursued to be the best in the world at what I was doing. I just landed where I was supposed to. See, there were guys with less talent that achieved more and had more talent that achieved more and less, both directions.

[00:16:48] The point is-- and I love the saying, it's like, when you are willing to prepare with all of your heart, everything you've got, and you're willing to play the game all out, 100%, knowing failure is a possibility, is the day you discover your greatness.

[00:17:05] Kate: Ooh.

[00:17:06] Todd: By the way, not until-- and my daughter always laughs. She goes, "There it is. Not until." And not until, because you can't discover your greatness being timid. You can't discover greatness having fear of failure. You can't discover greatness worried about what someone's going to say about you if you do fail. Because if you are thinking all those thoughts, you're not pursuing greatness any longer. So you just have to get it. You have to dig in and just go.

[00:17:38] Kate: You're giving me the chills. I want to go just a little deeper there. It's like, can you say it again even louder? Because this is our culture right now too. People have fear of persecution, self-included, fear of getting canceled, fear of offending someone, scared of putting myself out there, or why invest this money? I may not ever make it back or become successful, or they may judge me. But we can't really embrace or be at our fullest potential, you say, until we get really comfortable with failing.

[00:18:13] Todd: Yeah. It's our greatest teacher. It's the only way to succeed. So let me say it again. The only way to succeed is to fail. You don't get success before you get failure. Derek Jeter, and I played against him in my playing career, and he is probably one of the greatest shortstops that ever played the game of baseball. He's the all-time hits leader for the New York Yankees. And in order for him to achieve all the hits that he achieved, he had to fail two times more than the hits he acquired.

[00:18:58] So that means in order for him to get 3,000 hits, he had to fail 7,000 times. Now, sometimes I say this and people will say, "Yeah, Todd, that works in sports." I say it works in every aspect of life. Now, the percentages of failure at someday when you're operating at the highest level, maybe it won't be, if you hit 300, you're a hall of famer. You probably can't go to your office and be right 30% of the time and keep your job.

[00:19:32] But in order to get the job in the first place, you would've had to go through enough failures to create enough wisdom to create enough skill to even land the job. The problem is sometimes when we get that job, when we're the CEO, we no longer want to make or take the risky decisions because I could lose my job. So now it's like, let me just protect this cushy little thing I've got of being the CEO. I'm the CEO of some of our companies and it's like I'm taking a risk every day.

[00:20:08] Kate: Yeah.

[00:20:10] Todd: And it's like, because you think you can hire someone better, knock yourself out. Go get them. And there's no fear. And there's no fear of failure. I already know we're going to fail. Matter of fact, we build a team culture around every one of our companies where I tell them, you must fail every day.

[00:20:30] Kate: Wow.

[00:20:31] Todd: Not once a year, I need you to fail. I need you to make a mistake. I need you to do something because if you're failing every day, that means you are pushing the next level of success. Think about if we win skiing. And by the way, I didn't ski until I was out of the game of baseball, and it's hilarious. And I would go with guys and families that have been skiing forever, and I can't even make it down the bunny hill without falling all over the place. And I remember I was on a green run up in Deer Valley, so that's the intermediate run.

[00:21:07] The ski patrol had to come and get me off the mountain because I was out of control, because I didn't know how to turn. So it was like, you get going and you go straight and you wipe out and you get up and then you go to the other side of the mountain and I'm taking people out. And they were like, "Sir, you're going to have to take a lesson before you can come back up here."

[00:21:27] And I was like, "You know what? They're right." I then took a coaching lesson. Now I need to pause for a minute. Some people just need to take a coaching lesson to get to the next level, but they won't even humble themselves to go get a coach. Then I go get a coaching lesson and pretty soon I'm up there skiing. But I'm skiing with really good skiers.

[00:21:55] So we go from the green, we go to the blue, to the double blue. Here's what's really happening. I'm falling all the way down the mountain. And then we get to the bottom, and the grid skiers, they're having a chuckle watching Todd. And then I go, "You know what's funny?" I go, "I only fell twice on that one."

[00:22:16] I said "But you didn't fall. So I got better and you didn't. So it's only a matter of time before I catch you." I need to say it again. If you're not falling, you're not pushing to the next level. I'm falling. I'm pushing to the next level. And ultimately, if you never fall and I keep falling, I'm not just catching you, I'm passing you someday.

[00:22:41] Kate: Ooh

[00:22:42] Todd: Failure is the multivitamin of success you have to take every single day. And without it, you can't have the success. You got to take the multivitamin.

[00:22:58] Kate: I love it, and I love the image of you on the bunny slope and the other slope and say--

[00:23:03] Todd: It was ugly.

[00:23:04] Kate: Sorry, you got to take a lesson. But again, you did it. As you're speaking, I'm thinking that a lot of men, a lot of people, but a lot of men would consider sadness, anger, rage, anxiety, a failure emotionally. Like, oh, we got to be happy. Got to be positive.

[00:23:23] And I'm just curious your thoughts on why it's so important to fail even emotionally, if you will, and also really get a grip on our emotions for success. Because you've experienced both the sports and business world, which few people do, but I imagine, even just in the short time knowing you, that really getting help and getting in a grip on your inner game and your emotions has enabled you to be so successful.

[00:23:49] Todd: I was fortunate. I had so many people pour into my life and help me build a tool chest. Because even though I teach the game of mindset or the mindset of life and about strong and endurance and persistence and all of these things, I would tell you that I failed everything I teach every single day.

[00:24:19] Are there times where emotionally I find myself in a bad spot? The answer is, of course. Are there times where I find myself getting angry and starting to get it edgy? Of course. We're all human. We're all flawed. Not one of us is perfect.

[00:24:43] So the question is not whether it's going to happen to me. Of course, I'm going to have some tough emotional days, tough anger days, tough all those things. Sometimes where I'm thinking like, oh man, I got to change this thinking, all these things. But I got a tool chest to go to, and if I'll have an awareness around the thoughts I'm thinking, the emotions I'm feeling, if I have an awareness, I can go to the tool chest when I need the tool chest.

[00:25:15] So what's inside the tool chest is so important. So I'll give you an example. One of the things Harvey said, Harvey Dorfman taught me was that if I had-- when I was on the mound, he said, "Todd, if you're thinking about anything other than the next pitch, you're thinking about the wrong thought. So if you're thinking about the guy on first base or the guy on third base, on something that's already happened that you can no longer control, it's the wrong thought, Todd."

[00:25:43] And I was like, okay, this makes sense. But the question is, what do you do when you have the wrong thought? He said, "You change the channel." And I said, "Okay." And he said, "What's the opposite, because everything has an opposite, of a bad thought?" Well, that would be a good thought. What's the opposite of I can't? I can.

[00:26:06] What's the opposite of happiness? Sad. So if you're sad, change the channel. And we labeled that tool, the 180-degree mindset. I have the power over my thoughts to choose the channel anytime I want to. Now, once I go from a negative thought to a positive thought, I now take a moment with that thought and visualize the good in it, and then I take a step towards it.

[00:26:39] And then what happens? If you take enough steps, you might get to another negative thought. Time out. Let me go to the tool chest. And sometimes people can get so hung up emotionally and it's like, man, you just need to go get quiet with yourself.

[00:26:54] Sometimes you just need to go focus on your breathing because if you can focus on your breathing, that thing you were so emotional about disappears over time. I'll take people through and I'll say, "Go in through your nose with a four count. Hold it for a four count. Let it out for a four count."

[00:27:13] And then I'll ask them after they do it one time, "What were you thinking?" They said, "I was thinking about my breathing in four, hold out four." I said, "So you were no longer thinking about the problem you just brought me." And they were like, "Wow." I said, "Now you have to build the muscle and do it over and over and over."

[00:27:33] And as you build that muscle, you're putting a new tool in a tool chest. When you're emotionally struggling or having a tough time, get quiet. Sometimes that doesn't work. What you got to do next? I got to move. I got to go for a walk. Hey, listen, sometimes I'm so messed up and so flawed that a one-mile walk won't do the work.

[00:27:54] Sometimes it takes me 10 miles to get through it because I'm so screwed up. I would tell you keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get to a place of peace and being centered again on the inside. By the way, taking a walk, getting your body, moving your body, the physiology, whatever, we know it changes the brain, but sometimes I got to do more than others.

[00:28:18] So that's a tool. Put it in your tool chest. Meditation, it's a tool. Get in your tool chest. And I'm not talking about sitting with your legs in a certain position that I can't even get into anymore, and this and that. It's about getting quiet, closing your eyes, and allowing your imagination to go. Just allow it to go.

[00:28:42] And we got a thing that we teach called the championship statement. And that is writing everything you want to become, who you want to become, and everything you want to achieve, and then writing it into a story in present form as if it already exists. And then it's like, but why?

[00:29:03] And then if you'll write that story every morning, take 5 or 10 minutes, and you'll read it, and then you'll close your eyes and emotionally visualize it, then what you're doing is you are intentionally choosing the way you want to think, and now your brain will go to work to put all the pieces together to allow you to have it over time.

[00:29:27] And by the way, I've been doing that for over 30 years. And I will tell you that it works both directions. It works good and bad. It's a beautiful thing when you create a good habit. Because when you create a good habit, you got rid of a bad habit, because you replace something, because everything has an opposite.

[00:29:48] So we got to build the tool chest for the inside game. We got to build a tool chest for being kinder. And then we should put in the tool chest the golden rule because we have forgotten it as a people. Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

[00:30:08] Kate: Yes, we have.

[00:30:09] Todd: That's a pretty good rule. But how many of us are actually living the golden rule? And there, in fact, becomes a problem. So take your neighbor, bake them a cake today. Let's say you despise them, and they bug you, and they irritate you. Go do something nice for them. Watch what happens.

[00:30:32] Kate: Oh.

[00:30:33] Todd: You watch what happens. They change fast. And all of a sudden, they're taking your garbage out for you. And you're like, "Damn, I got a good neighbor." Same one you despise, you now love. All right, let me get off the pedestal.

[00:30:46] Kate: No, I'm loving this. I love this conversation, and I just have to be honest because that's what we're doing here. Something that hasn't left my mind since you brought it up is your brother Jason, who's your angel in heaven. And it's impacted me so much, just even hearing about him and what you did for him and your tragic loss. And I'm so sorry.

[00:31:09] So I'm just so curious, because you were a kid and then you went on and had this extraordinary career in the public no less and then have gone on to do so much in business. And while all of your achievements and accomplishments are so admirable and so impressive, more so than most, the bleeding heart in me is most impressed by this relationship of you and your brother and how it impacted you.

[00:31:36] So how did he stay with you in your body, in your mind, in your heart since you were 15 and then now? Because he hasn't left me since you brought him up. And I do feel in here, that's why I'm emotional and this whole story. I think of My Sister's Keeper, that movie that made me sob. So I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I'm just so interested how his death has impacted your life.

[00:32:01] Todd: Yeah. So until I could get to a place of me forgiving me, the story was a story out of guilt and hate and anger. I hated the world. I was angry. And then anything I couldn't control, I would lose my emotions. And if you watched me on a baseball field where things started to go the wrong direction, you would all of a sudden see a guy wearing my uniform that was out of control.

[00:32:34] Fights on the field, charging dugouts, bumping umpires, losing my mind, literally just blacking out out of anger. So much anger that was so deep. As I've healed and gone through healing process. And by the way, I get to talk about it today, so I'm still healing. And there's power in that.

[00:32:58] But I got to tell you, I've looked back on that moment, and I have questioned as why the moment? and look, maybe I'll never know the truth, the real truth of it. Maybe God took him early because he was keeping him from something else that was going to be so much more-- we don't know. But I look back on it and I look back on why did I emotionally go through what I went through to a place where I was so broken and needed help and then needed healed?

[00:33:32] And what I realize when I look back is the beautiful piece. And it's now a beautiful story that was once dark. And the reason it's a beautiful story today is because there are other people also going through it today. But because I went through it and because I felt what I felt and because I acted out the way I acted out, because I became who I became, I now have wisdom to go help those other people that might be going through it.

[00:34:03] Hopefully this story is going to heal someone to where it's time for them to forgive and let it go. As people, we need to let it go. The best say in the world, my wife would tell me, it is like, let it go and let God. You're not God. So let him have it. But it's a beautiful story today because of what I went through was not for me.

[00:34:32] It was for me to go help someone else. And that's why when we go through things in life, if you've seen me going through a tough time and you happen to walk in my house, you might see me pacing like a caged lion, going, "This is for me. This is for me. This is for me."

[00:34:50] And you'd be like, "Man, this guy is crazy." No, but I'm repeating it. It's for me. It's for me. So that I can use the circumstances instead of the circumstances use me. But we allow circumstances to control us, especially the ones where we don't plan for it. We didn't expect it. Then we want to play victim to it.

[00:35:14] Instead of allowing them to use, you'll need to use them. And then one last thing, I would say, and it's one of my favorite sayings, is when you find yourself in the middle of the storm-- and by the way, you're either coming out of it, in it, or heading to it. That's called life.

[00:35:38] So I would tell you that whether you're coming out, you're in it, or heading to it, whatever that storm looks like is like not to get buried in the storm, but to understand, like I always say, it doesn't matter where you are as long as you know where you're going.

[00:35:56] Kate: Mm-hmm.

[00:35:56] Todd: But if you don't know where you're going, these circumstances that we find ourselves in the middle of this life storm becomes ever consuming and begins to change who we are. And it steals our joy and our kindness. It steals our love. And when it steals that, it's like, well, you see what happens. Because that's the world we're living in today.

[00:36:22] Kate: I want to talk to you about forgiveness. I'd love to get some insight on that. But first, what is your favorite way to honor Jason?

[00:36:33] Todd: Every single day, not quitting. We got a phrase called be relentless. And be relentless means that we just don't quit. We don't give up. My little brother didn't just teach me how to live and not quit because from 7 to 11, he never complained. He never complained about his treatments.

[00:36:51] He lost his hair three different times. He had to deal with all the ridicule at school about being bald. He had to go through all that bullshit and yet never complained one time. So he didn't just teach me how to live; he taught me how to die. And that's one breath at a time, one foot in front of the other, never playing victim, and never giving up, and never quitting.

[00:37:16] And to me it's like I look back and I'm like, 11-year-old boy taught me some of the greatest life lessons that I carry today, all these years later. It was 1981 then. You're talking four decades ago that, to this day, when I say the word or when we talk about the word be relentless, that's where it started. So there you have it.

[00:37:45] Kate: Thank you for that. Something that, I don't want to say I've struggled with, but I'll say I'm struggling with it a little bit now, it is that-- and yes, intellectually, yes, of course, let it go, but it's forgiveness and fully accepting that some things can't be changed. You had the childhood that you had, or you really want this super close relationship with your father and he's just unavailable for it, or whatever it is for people.

[00:38:14] How do we really embrace forgiveness, especially when it's hard? And you hear, it's like, oh, it's for you. It's not for them. But I find a lot of times we do hold on to anger and resentment instead of embracing forgiveness.

[00:38:29] Todd: Yeah. That's right. It is for us, but to not forgive-- so show me the good in the other way. One time. Show me one good situation in the history of the world where a lack of forgiveness served us well. So when you come up with it, call me in about 1,000 years. Because you're not going to come up. So we already know it doesn't serve us. We already know it's not a positive. And not only that. It's like, why?

[00:39:07] What's the power of hanging on to that grudge, that guilt, that hate, that conversation? I just want to know how does it serve me? How is this something that's so good? And then also, not to forgive, it's like when we do forgive, basically, what we're doing is we're edifying someone else, or maybe we're forgiving ourselves, so we're actually building ourselves.

[00:39:37] But not to forgive, number one, it's not serving. But number two, what you are saying is that you are perfect. No, you're flawed. You're human. And someone forgave you along the way too. Why is it so powerful? Why is it so great to hang on and bury gossip and BS? This doesn't serve us.

[00:40:09] So forgiveness is still power because ultimately, if you don't forgive, if you don't forgive, you are going to live in the prison of the person you're not forgiving, and they put you in and they have the keys. So now they're taking your power away from you. But when you do learn to forgive, you now have freedom.

[00:40:35] Kate: Mm. What I have--

[00:40:39] Todd: You have the freedom to your authenticity. It's beautiful. I love being me. I don't have to make anything up.

[00:40:47] Kate: Mm. Maybe as a kid, but no one has said to me recently at all, someone forgave you. That [Inaudible] something in me.

[00:41:00] Todd: For sure. I'm so grateful for all the people that forgave me. Because it's like I just think about that person that doesn't want to forgive. I'm like, "Man, you need to take yourself off that mountain that you think you're on." And you're not even on a top of a mountain. You're living in the cell of a prison that the person you won't forgive owns the keys to. Let it go. Why is this so important? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

[00:41:30] Look, a long life here on earth is a short life. So think about it. If you live to a 100, that means you're going to live a life of 100 summers. That's it. So if you're going to live to 100, and here I'm getting ready to be 60, and let's say God's going to bless me to live to 100, I only got 40 more summers, 40 more Christmas, 40 more Thanksgivings. That's it. 40 more. The question is, what am I going to do with them?

[00:42:02] I'm going to hang on to a bunch of crap and not forgive people and live in misery for the next 40 Thanksgivings or Christmas or summers? Geez, life is short. Even a long life is a short one.

[00:42:20] Kate: That's so beautiful. I think along these lines, Todd, is this sad reality that we're also disconnected right now from ourselves, from our family, even our friends, and certainly, like you said, from our neighbors and our fellow Americans and other people in the world. How do we come back to this genuine sense of connection with ourselves and expand our capacity to love?

[00:42:44] Todd: It goes back to 2020, COVID. We became so isolated and then we got used to the isolation. And then, especially for the elderly, that's just so sad, because they grew to actually like the isolation and now they're not around people enough and this and that.

[00:43:01] So I would say that it happens and it starts with us. I got to do it in my family. You got to do it in yours. And it's like, that's where we got to start. And the barbecues, family barbecues, friend barbecues, it's like, it's not that hard. It's like someone's got to take a step forward.

[00:43:19] But it happens over time, and I believe that nothing is forever. When something ends, something new begins. So we evolve and we grow and we become more and we go through things. So whatever we're going through at this particular time, it probably will be a great lesson for a decade for now or a generation from now, or whatever it's going to be.

[00:43:47] But the way to connect and the way to get back to that is to start by pick up the phone. Who in your family haven't you talk to in the last month that you should just say, "Hey, how you doing? I'm just thinking about you. Wanted to check in." Or how about a friend that maybe you haven't seen in a long time and you just say, I wonder how they're doing.

[00:44:10] And you send them a text or something, say, "Hey, look, I thought about you today. Was just checking in. Wonder how you're doing. Hope life is great. And it's been a long time." Or what have you. It's interesting. I just had a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in probably a decade or more, maybe two decades. And he became a very close friend of mine in the city of Toronto when I was with the Toronto Blue Jays.

[00:44:36] And he texts me, he says, "Hey, I'm going to be in Phoenix. Are you around?" I said, "Yes." Got together for lunch with him. Then his 18-year-old son was racing go-karts in a big race that was going on here. And I said, "When is it?" He says, "Saturday night." I said, "I'll be there."

[00:44:59] And I remember saying to him when we left, I said, "Man, I'm glad we got together. It was cool to see you and hear what's going on in your life and the whole thing." It's like, it's a lost art, but it doesn't take much. He started it. He initiated it, said, "I'm going to be there." I accepted it and said, "Let's find a way to get together." So it doesn't take much, and we can begin to create or recreate or change anything we want to. It just takes an action step.

[00:45:28] Kate: I love that. And along the COVID lines, and I know you talk a lot about the importance of our environment, the physical, the people in it, I'm experiencing some discomfort in my current environment and where I'm ready to go. Even last night I could not sleep and just so uncomfortable in this house and the noise and everything.

[00:45:49] What can you say to those of us, whatever their "noise," is that they're experiencing so much discomfort? Because even talking to you here today, I already am reframing, and I know what's happening for me. And I think the discomfort is God not allowing me to be at peace or comfortable here because he's like, "You're not meant to be here."

[00:46:06] And so I get it, but I'm like, "Okay. In the meantime, can you make it more peaceful?" So I would just love, and that's a silly example, but I know a lot of people are feeling uncomfortable with something right now. I'd love to hear the Todd one, two punch on this.

[00:46:21] Todd: Yeah. So we all want comfort. There's no question. We all strive for it. But it's dangerous. So what we don't realize is that comfort we're striving for that, whether it's financial freedom or it's like, oh, when I get all of this and then I'll be happy and then we'll do-- and I'm like, "I have found that doesn't work."

[00:46:46] But I would just say that the thing we strive for is very dangerous to stay there for a very long time. It's because when we lose growing in progress, ultimately over time, we start to lose the happiness of even getting there in the first place. Because I believe that, I've noticed in my life-- and I'm not a psychologist. I didn't go to school for any of it, but I just noticed the things in my life is when I'm making progress at something, that's when I'm the happiest.

[00:47:21] I'm going to tell you, I didn't find myself the happiest person in the world when I was just so comfortable. And it is crazy. I retired from Major League baseball. I was 37, financially free. And I was like, man, what am I going to do next? And literally six, eight months into retirement, I'm a wreck. And I was like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do with my life now?

[00:47:47] And then I started to like, do this. I'll go do that. I'll go do this. And what I found was that the progress of making progress, I was just talking about it with the CEO of my brand this morning, I'm like, "Hey, when we can make just a little bit of progress and then you can evaluate the pro-- it's like, you feel good. It's like comfort, I can't even wrap around that feeling. And if you stay there too long, then what?

[00:48:19] Kate: Mm.

[00:48:20] Todd: AndI just say this, that, it's not about I got to achieve more, achieve more, achieve more. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about, go serve more then. Go give more away. Go give more of you away to someone else. By the way, you're going to get uncomfortable quick. But it's so powerful and it's funny when the thing that is the most uncomfortable, we find the greatest reward in and the greatest joy in.

[00:48:53] But we forget so fast because getting uncomfortable sounds miserable, but yet the opposite of misery is power, especially when you give yourself away to something bigger than you. Or when we can be a part of something bigger than me. So yeah, I love the championships that I was a part of because it was 10 times, million times bigger than me personally.

[00:49:26] And I would always say the name on the front of the uniform is so much more important than the name on the back of the uniform. But the name on the back of the uniform when you want to put in the front, because it's comfortable, is a dangerous place to play. So I probably didn't give it any justice. I just know when I'm comfortable, I'm like, man, I got to shake this off now. There's nothing wrong with enjoying life, going on vacations. That's cool. Those should be rewards for going through discomfort.

[00:50:05] So there's nothing wrong. I'm not saying that at the end of the day-- because we all strive, humans, we all strive to comfortable, stay in our little lane. There's no fears here. I know everyone's not like this, but I just think that's miserable.

[00:50:24] Kate: Yeah.

[00:50:26] Todd: Now, it's okay if someone says, "Well, no, I actually enjoy it." I'd be like, "Great, we're different." And by the way, it's cool to be different. I got five amazing children. They're all different. Thank God they're not like their father. And I say this because they're all unique. They all might have a small piece of me, but they're all unique and their uniqueness allows dad to learn from them.

[00:51:03] Uh-oh. See, we can learn from everyone. But instead of learning, we want to hammer the other person because they don't think like us, or they don't look like us. They don't act like us, or they're not in our cool little circle. I'm telling you.

[00:51:03] Kate: We really do learn from people who are different from us. And I think the people who trigger us the most or challenge us the most can be our greatest teachers. And as you're talking too, I'm hearing find peace where you are. And I think that's what's making me uncomfortable, which is a gift.

[00:51:39] And certainly, so many things you say, and that's why I love this show, because you're saying so many things today that will spark something for someone or have that aha moment or you've just given me so much freedom and peace, and you're like my favorite movies. You've made me cry in just such a genuine, heartfelt way.

[00:51:59] When you're blowing out the candles on your 60th birthday cake, what are you wishing for?

[00:52:08] Todd: Today, I do a lot of things that try to lead towards longevity. I care about my fitness, moving every day. I walk four to seven miles a day, workout four times a week. I try to get seven and a half hours of sleep at night. I hydrate.

[00:52:28] I try to eat as much whole foods as I can and stay away from the ultra-processing, even though there's no food you can't put in front of me that I wouldn't eat. I love food. So I have my battles and it's like, I'm in the part of my life where it's not about what I achieve, but what am I going to leave behind long after I'm gone?

[00:52:51] So I'm thinking more about my family, my kids. And one of the things I do is I journal a lot, and I think it's cool that I'm going to be able to leave those journals to my family long after I'm gone. I think about my dad and the legacy that he left, and I think about how that man was a special person that anytime he was around people, those people that he was around always felt better about himself because of his presence in that circle.

[00:53:25] I have not always been that person, so I strive to be more like that person. And I'm aiming to become more of that. So even as I'm pushing the age of 60, it's like I want to become so much more than I am today. And it's not about medals or awards or achievements or trophies, it's just I want to be a better human.

[00:53:50] I want to be a better servant. I want to be a better leader. I want to create more influence of the right and good things. So in order to do those things, I have to personally grow. And then I'm pouring into our companies with our young people for them to take over. And for them to take it and run with the next level because I know that they'll do so much more than I was capable of.

[00:54:21] And then my ultimate mission today, as I'm pushing 60, is how can I serve and help people become 10 times better or more, or achieve more than I ever achieved by sharing my heart and my mind with them so that they can stand on my head, use it as a trampoline to spring to new heights and new levels that I never even dreamed of. And how can I help people wipe out the word impossible and help them make their impossibles their new possibles? So that's where I'm at today and what my focus is.

[00:55:08] Kate: What is something that you wish you got to talk more about? Even in the trailer of my show, it's what's something you don't normally talk about? You have shared so much here today. Thank you so much. But is there anything else that you wish, not just you got to talk about more, but maybe conversations you wish the world at large was having more of, instead of all the nonsense that's being spewed?

[00:55:32] Todd: Yeah, so I guess the thing that just jumped to my mind so fast is my wife doesn't get enough credit.

[00:55:40] Kate: Aw.

[00:55:41] Todd: I don't want to get all emotional, but she's had my back, and she's been through good times and bad times. She's been there when we've made more money in a single year, where it was just enormous. And we were like, "Unbelievable." And she's also been there with me and dug in when there was no money, on both ends of the spectrum.

[00:56:08] And it's a funny world that once you have money, to have it is one thing, but to lose it is a whole new set of circumstances, emotions, thoughts, and feelings and everything else. My wife has gone through those battles with me, up the mountain, down the mountain, up the mountain.

[00:56:26] I'm grateful where we're at today because it's so much more than just money, and she's the most incredible. And I strive to have the service for her that she does for me and this family. She puts us first all the time. She's gorgeous. She's amazing. She's humble.

[00:56:53] My 23-year-old daughter got married last year, and I felt so good because I could see that they have, and they were joined, and locked arms in marriage. And when I looked at that, I was like, "Thank you, Lord, because they have what my wife and I have." They have that friendship where they want to be together, where they want to go on vacations together, where they want to go do new experiences together and have friends.

[00:57:29] But when the chips are down, they also roll up their sleeves together. So I think if there was one thing I don't talk enough about, it's how great she is. And what she has meant to our family, to all of my success, and also keeps me humble and lets me know when it's time to take the garbage out. But at the end of the day, my hope is that my kids are going to have what I have in a spouse.

[00:58:07] And my hope for people, the world, would be that they find that special someone where forever means forever again. Sounds great walking down the aisle. What I'm talking about, it's like there's something special about forever.

[00:58:31] Kate: Todd, you're one of the rare people who is as if not more successful on the inside as they are on the outside, and you've achieved so much in the external world. But to have these solid relationships, I think your parents really laid that foundation. And to have this mentality to be able to share your heart and your emotions vulnerably, it's just such a masterclass for humanity, which is what this show is all about.

[00:58:58] You really just feel like a little gift here for me-- or big gift, I'll say, here for me and my audience today of just hope and peace, and I know I'm going to listen to this again and again just to get those nuggets, whether I'm feeling on top of my game or I'm struggling. We're going to put all of your information in the show notes in terms of how to work with you, reach you, connect with you, order and read your books, find out more about your business.

[00:59:24] Is there any final thought that you'd like to leave us here today as you tune into where we are in history and where you are in your beautiful life? Just intuitively, what comes to mind. I just want to talk to you all day, and thank you so much for your time and energy and beautiful heart and mind. I'm just so curious what comes through right now.

[00:59:47] Todd: Well, this has been great because every time we share, once again, we heal or we reengage. And I would love for people to develop the championship statement for their life. And it's free. It's not Todd's trying to sell something here. It's like, I don't have anything big I want to promote and have your audience, "Hey, go over there." And I didn't come on here to make money. It came on to serve. But the championship statement is so cool because it's the driver of thoughts. It's the driver of focus. And I just look at a lot of science and a lot of people talking today, and it's about the thoughts we're going to have today, 80 to 90% of the thoughts we're going to have today are the same ones we had yesterday.

[01:00:38] If we continue to repeat that, then we're just going to become those thoughts that we're repeating day in and day out over time. And the beautiful thing about the championship statement is those are the intentional thoughts you want to have. That's the intentional imagination you would love to create.

[01:00:56] And it's so cool because you get to be the director of your own movie where you play the star. And it's like, how about if we drove that story and those thoughts and that focus every morning? I think that we would begin to change over time. So that's really the gift that I want to leave, is to go get the championship statement.

[01:01:18] And it's very simple. You can go to my website at toddofficial.com, and you can grab that championship statement. And then we feel blessed that people actually signed up for our newsletter. and I say we feel blessed because someone said, "I'll sign up for this newsletter because, Todd, I'm interested in what you might write or send out."

[01:01:40] And we don't spam people. Goes out every two weeks, and there are little nuggets here and there. And a lot of times all of the newsletters and information and things that I put out in life is the issue and mess and problem I went through in mine. And it's not that I came out of it and I'm saying, "Look at me."

[01:01:59] What I'm saying is, I had amazing people around me, or I couldn't be here where I am today without them pouring into me. So in turn, I want to pay it forward and now pour into people that I may never even meet my life, but they might read one sentence of a newsletter, hear one sentence or one word from a video clip and they go, "Aha, that's it."

[01:02:26] And they grab and go and they go do something with it. I don't need any recognition for it because at the end of the day, everything that I say, everything that I do is not mine. It was what was gifted to me to pass to someone else. So for me, where I am and where we're going, and then closing thoughts is what do we have today?

[01:02:50] And we all have something. What have we gone through? What mess did we go through? What place did we come out of, whatever, that you're now prepared to go serve someone else that's going to also go through it? That's being human, and that's humanity.

[01:03:07] Kate: Hmm, that's so beautiful. Talking to you has been the most nourishing dinner with a best friend, and I just feel held and supported. And you know that feeling. You meet an old friend. You have the best conversation, the best meal. You're happy with the waiter. And that's what you've given me today.

[01:03:25] And it's such a gift. And you're such a gift. World-class athlete, world-class businessman. Most importantly, world-class husband, world-class father, but most importantly, world-class human. It's not every day that you get to meet a world-class human. And I think that you will help other people become that. Everyone has it in them. It's just a few decisions and not giving up.

[01:03:48] Todd: So kind. Thank you.

[01:03:49] Kate: Yeah. Thank you so much for being here, Todd. And thank you so much for being here. I'm going to go cry a little bit in a good way. That was so healing. And I know that you enjoyed it too. So thanks so much for being here. We'll see you next week on Rawish. Bye, everybody.